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Holidays Can Be Tough For Foster Children

Thu, 28 Dec 2023 23:30:59 GMT

Holidays are a complex and sensitive time for foster children. This season can be both a joyful and challenging time for foster children, as they often carry emotional sensitivities due to experiences of past family separation and trauma. These emotions can surface during holidays, requiring extra sensitivity and awareness from caregivers. Here are some important considerations to keep in mind.

Open communication with foster children around the holidays is imperative for creating a supportive environment. A foster child that feels heard feels valued and understood, so a caregiver should be open to discussing the plethora of feelings that the foster child may experience. Foster youth could be excited about gifts, special meals, and spending time with family, but also feel anxious about being away from their biological family and familiar surroundings. If foster children had negative experiences during past holidays, they might feel apprehensive about repeating those experiences or encountering similar challenges.

Cultural diversity and religious diversity play significant roles in the lives of foster children, influencing their identity, experiences, and overall well-being. Holidays might trigger questions about who they are and where they fit in. They might struggle with how to integrate their own heritage or religion into the foster/resource family’s celebrations. Respecting and integrating their unique traditions into holiday celebrations is essential, and can contribute to a sense of inclusivity and belonging. Before anything kicks off, it can be incredibly beneficial to let them know what is about to happen and who they will meet.

As a foster parent, while you may be used to the hustle and bustle of a relative’s house or the behavior of a loved one, such a situation will all be new and overwhelming for a foster youth. Beforehand, let them precisely what to expect and what will likely happen, so they are not caught off guard. Talk about your traditions and holiday plans, and allow the child to decide whether to participate, if possible. A foster child's holiday expectations might differ from those of their peers. Maybe they have not always gone to church on Christmas Eve or walked the neighborhood caroling, but you have. Let them know you would love them to join you for these activities, but be understanding if they opt out. If the child shares one of their traditions, incorporate it into your holiday festivities. Inclusive celebrations are vital. If everyone has a stocking, make sure there is one for the foster child. Establishing new traditions can create positive memories for foster children and their caregivers.

Similarly, be sure others you’re celebrating the holidays with know about the foster youth and are not surprised by their presence. Recruit those you’re spending the holidays with to do what they can to welcome and include foster youth as much as possible in the festivities.

As a foster parent, do not try to handle everything alone. Reach out to family and friends for help with tasks around the house. Ask dinner guests to bring a side dish or dessert. You also have a team of trained and experienced professionals on your side, such as social workers and therapists. They may have insights into the child's coping strategies and therefore can offer assistance and support navigating the holiday season with them.

Remember that self-care is not selfish—it is essential. Caregivers should prioritize self-care during the holiday season, recognizing the potential stress involved. Do not put too much pressure on yourself to create a "perfect" holiday experience. Understand that things might not go exactly as planned, and that is okay. Be sure to get enough sleep, eat healthy and take some “me time” for your own interests, whether it’s reading, soaking in a bath or getting in a good workout.

Every foster child is unique, and their reactions to holidays will vary. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. The key is to approach the holiday season with empathy, patience, and a willingness to understand and meet the individual needs of each foster child in your care.

Tips to Lower Financial Stress When Holiday Shopping

Wed, 22 Nov 2023 00:02:31 GMT

Holiday shopping can be one of the most financially stressful times, but with some careful planning and budgeting, you can make sure you don’t overspend, or overstress. Here are some financial tips to help you stay on track during the holiday season.

First, make a list of everyone you need to buy gifts for and set a spending limit for each person. Stick to this budget and avoid overspending by doing your research ahead of time. Look for sales and discounts, and consider buying gifts in bulk to save money. Warehouse stores, like Costco and Sam’s Club, usually have some good deals on gifts during the holiday shopping season. In addition, nothing beats the savings you can score on Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving), so make sure to do some research ahead of time to secure the best deals. Most deals are available online as well, allowing you to shop from more stores than you could if you had to go in person.

Second, consider alternative gift options that won’t break the bank. Handmade gifts or experiences, such as tickets to a show or a dinner out, can be more meaningful than a store-bought gift and will likely be appreciated just as much. Websites like Pinterest, or Instagram, can be great for finding gift inspiration and/or craft tutorials. Moreover, if you don’t consider yourself very crafty, you can always shop at Etsy.com and purchase some handmade goods that others have made, but be warned that this could get pricey.

Third, use credit cards wisely. If you do use a credit card for holiday shopping, make sure to pay off the balance in full each month to avoid accruing interest charges. Additionally, consider using a credit card with rewards points that you can redeem for cash back or other rewards.

Finally, do not forget about the other expenses that come with the holidays, such as travel, decorations, and food. Set a budget for these expenses as well, and stick to it.

With some careful planning and budgeting, you can enjoy the holiday season without breaking the bank. Make a list, set a budget, consider alternative gift options, use credit cards wisely, and remember to budget for all holiday expenses. Happy shopping!

Family Visitation Tip - The “Happy Pack”

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 23:57:23 GMT

To help make parent-child visits more meaningful, foster parents can provide a backpack or bag the child can use to share with their parents those special things that have happened since the last visit. Between visits, the child can be encouraged to put things into the “Happy Pack” that he or she is excited to share with their parents. Examples of what might be in a pack:

A favorite book
A note that captures something cute or funny the child has said
New words the child is saying, if it’s a younger child
A picture the child drew or colored
A note from the child’s teacher or an assignment the child is proud of
A snapshot of the child doing a favorite activity
A letter the child has written to his or her parents

Whenever something comes up that children may want to share with their parents, encourage them to put it into their Happy Pack. This gives parents a place to start their visits—it lets them know what their child has been doing since the last visit. It also allows parents to feel more involved in their child’s life. In addition, the child will be very proud and excited to share their Happy Pack!

Helping Foster Youth Through the Holiday Season

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 23:53:23 GMT

The ghosts and goblins are put away and all of the trick-or-treating is piled into a large bowl with the left over candy that no one likes. Immediately from one day to the next, the radio went from playing “Ghostbusters” and “Thriller” to “All I want for Christmas is You” and you think…..it’s the best time of the year! But for children in foster care, it not always is. Children in foster care may have come from homes where there was no Christmas, no grand feast, no stockings, no presents, no tree. This could be because there was not enough money to provide these surprises, or no one to provide the surprises for them.

The holidays, whether they be Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanza, or New Years, do not always bring thoughts of joy and excitement, but rather trigger their feelings associated with not being with their families, which could look like sadness, grief, anger, or resentment. Having the ability to recognize these feelings will help you understand how to help them. Better yet, having a conversation with them before the holidays approach of what the holidays mean to them and learning what the holidays looked like in their family, will help you to plan and adjust your holiday celebrations or traditions so that they feel involved and comfortable rather than overwhelmed.

Here are some tips from www.justasspecial.com Navigating the Holiday: A Guide for Foster Parents and www.kidscounttoo.com

Helping Foster Youth Through the Holiday Season.

Talk to Foster Youth Before the Holiday Celebrations Begin:
Before any holiday celebrations begin, it can be helpful to let your foster youth know what the holidays look like for your family or in your home, what, and who they should expect. As an adult and parent, you may be used to the hustle and bustle of the holiday gatherings or the specific behaviors of loved ones; however, these situations will all be new and can be quite overwhelming for a foster youth. Talking with them in advance will give them time to anticipate the upcoming holiday celebrations and provide them time to think and prepare.
Similarly, be sure others you are celebrating the holidays with are aware of the foster youth in your home and are not surprised by their presence. This can help to minimize awkward situations such as needing to scramble to set an extra place at that table, which can make them feel like an imposition right from the start. It will also eliminate awkward but reasonable questions such as “who are you?”
In addition, keep in mind confidentiality rules regarding foster youth. It is common to celebrate the holidays with those who you have not seen in a while and so it is best to have conversations with your family, extended family, and friends ahead of time about your fostering journey and that you will have some additional youth present at the holidays. Assist them with what they can do to welcome and include your foster youth during the festivities, without overdoing it.
Get Rid of Expectations
Probably easier said than done, but try not to have any expectations. The holidays can bring out sadness and big behaviors for foster youth and they may be excited about doing all the family activities you have shared, but feel sad the day of, because they are away from their biological family. They may prefer to spend a holiday with their biological family; a friend/mentor; or a former foster family/caregiver. If it is approved and safe, allow them to do so - and offer to also celebrate with them on another day.
Create time for self-care so you can re-charge and recalibrate and have the capacity to deal with your own disappointments and triggers.
Ask for Input
Giving foster youth a say in how you celebrate the holidays can make them feel valued — rather than forgotten amidst the bustle — and increases the chances of their participation in family activities. This also helps them know what to expect well in advance which can help dissipate anxiety.
Make participation in all of your family traditions optional, but also ensure they have a warm invitation to join you.
Ask for help creating some new family traditions.
Ask if they would like to share some of their family traditions that you can do together.
When creating plans, invite them to share their feedback and whether they are interested in joining.
Ask in advance what they need to feel comfortable participating in any holiday activities.
Ensure you allow them the opportunity to take part in any of their cultural and religious practices.
Don’t Ignore Their Feelings or Mental Health
As we have already established, the holiday season can be a conflicting and emotionally draining time for many foster youth. It may bring out new feelings or behaviors and may exacerbate existing ones. Understand that foster youth often have a lot of process year-round, but even more so during the holidays. Respect their mental health, know that their feelings about the holidays can be complex, and provide help if asked for if it is required.
Don’t Make them Feel Unequal or Unwelcomed
During the holiday season, many foster youth feel like outsiders or like a burden to your family. Foster parents should try to take steps both big and small to ensure foster youth are completely and totally welcomed as an equal part of the family, while always being sure to validate their emotions, no matter what. This can look like purchasing the same amount or value of presents for all children in the family, having a matching or similar initialed stocking hung for them along with the other family members stockings, and offering to include them in every tradition, despite their age but allowing them the choice to participate or not.
Gift Giving:
For many youth in foster care, receiving gifts can be overwhelming as they may have never experienced gift receiving before. Consider allowing these them the option to open gifts in private or focus on giving experiences rather than tangible gifts.
On the other end of the spectrum, some youth in foster care may seem to only care about tangible gifts and not care about building relationships. For these youth, consider gifts that create the opportunity for interactions such as crafts or games.
Ask the youth about a gift they have wanted for a while but never got — and then try to get these gifts regardless if they are “too old for them” by societal standards. Receiving these gifts after so long can be a healing experience for youth in foster care.
One good idea when it comes to family gift giving, is to have extra presents ready to help offset differences that might happen. You should not expect all relatives to purchase gifts for your foster youth, so it might be best to be prepared by bringing extra small gifts, If you happen to have a family member that shows concern over not having bought a gift for one of your foster children, you can offer them one of your “backup” gift to put under the tree.
Connection With Others
For many, the holidays do not stop and end at family. Often, a wider community will be on hand in festivities and in making the holiday what it is. Foster parents should aim to include this wider community and make the extra effort to have your foster youth connect with these individuals in whatever way possible and permissible.
Connecting with these important people can take many forms if in-person visits are not an option including:
Scheduling a Zoom or phone call
Dropping-off or mailing gifts
Helping them send photos, letters, or holiday cards
It can be hard to add time for these activities around a hectic holiday schedule, but going the extra mile to ensure these kids have connection with loved ones is important.
Incorporate Their Traditions and Customs
No two families celebrate the holidays in the exact same way. While certain traditions are certainly more common than others are, everyone has their own unique spin to the holidays- and the families foster youth come from are no different. Have a discussion with them about how they usually celebrate and how you and your family celebrate. Let your foster youth know which of the traditional holidays your house recognizes. Is it Thanksgiving? St. Nick’s Day? Kwanzaa? Hanukah? Christmas? New Years? Or all of the above. If possible, incorporate some of their traditions to make them feel welcome, included, and accepted in your holidays. The smallest things can sometimes make the biggest differences. In addition, please remember to respect that foster youth may celebrate holidays you do not, and vice versa.

In conclusion, the holiday season can be a very busy time of year for you and your family. The same can be said for foster youth, more so in the sense that it is an emotionally busy time for them, that they may have difficulty understanding and controlling. Be present for them, be cognizant to their revolving feelings, be supportive, and be inclusive at their level. Overall, enjoy your time with them whether it be sharing each other’s traditions or beginning new ones.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

Tue, 21 Nov 2023 23:39:34 GMT

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is depression tha t happens only at a certain time of year. With SAD, kids and teens tend to become depressed in fall or winter, when days are shorter and it gets dark earlier. Once the daylight hours grow longer again, symptoms go away.

What Are the Signs & Symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

As with other kinds of depression, SAD can lead to:

Changes in mood. Someone may feel sad or be cranky, discouraged, or hopeless. They may also cry a lot or get upset easily.
Negative thinking. Kids and teens may be harder on themselves or more sensitive to criticism. They may complain or blame others more often than usual. They may also think nothing will get better.
Low energy. Someone with SAD may be tired or lack energy. Things can seem like they take too much effort
Changes in sleep. Kids and teens may sleep a lot more and have trouble getting up for school.
Changes in eating. Kids and teens may crave less healthy foods like chips or sugary snacks and overeat. This can lead to weight gain. Or they might not feel hungry and eat less.
Trouble focusing. Like any depression, SAD can make it hard to focus, which can harm schoolwork and grades. Kids may also feel tense, restless, or fidgety.
Suicidal thoughts . Some one with SAD may have thoughts of death, not wanting to live, or hurting themselves.

These symptoms tend to happen only during the time of year when there are fewer hours of daylight. As the season changes and days become longer again, kids and teens with SAD will have higher energy levels and a better outlook.

What Causes Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)?

The exact cause of SAD isn't clear, but some kids' and teens' brains react differently to fewer hours of daylight.

Daylight affects two chemicals in the brain: serotonin and melatonin. When it’s sunny, the brain makes more serotonin. High levels boost feelings of happiness and well-being. Low levels lead to depression. When it’s dark, the brain also makes more melatonin. High levels cause you to feel sleepy and have less energy.

Shorter days and more hours of darkness in fall and winter may decrease serotonin and increase melatonin. This makes depression more likely to happen.

How Is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) Diagnosed?

Talk with your doctor if you think your child has SAD. Doctors diagnose it by asking questions and listening. A health checkup can see if the symptoms are due SAD or something else.

How Is Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) Treated?

If a child or teen is diagnosed with SAD, the doctor may recommend one or more of these treatments:

More Light Exposure
Spending more time outside during daylight hours is often enough to improve SAD. Taking a daily walk or getting other exercise outdoors are ways to do this. Full-spectrum (daylight) bulbs that fit in regular lamps can help bring a bit more daylight into winter months and might help mild symptoms.
Light Therapy (Phototherapy)
This therapy may help treat more severe symptoms. With a special lightbox or panel on a table or desk, the person sits in front of it for about 45 minutes a day. Symptoms tend to get better within a few days or weeks. The person will likely use the box until there’s enough sunlight outdoors again.
Talk Therapy
Talking with a therapist c an help kids and teens work through negative thoughts and feelings that happen with depression. It can also help them understand SAD and learn how to prevent it. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the common and helpful types of therapy for depression.
Medicine
Doctors may prescribe medicine like an antidepressant, which can help balance chemicals in the brain.

How Can Parents Help?

If your child or teen is diagnosed with SAD, start by talking about it. Ask your doctor how you can be supportive. You also can:

Encourage your child to get plenty of exercise, especially outdoors.
Spend time together in ways that don't require much energy, like watching a movie.
Be patient because it may take time for symptoms to improve.
Help organize homework. You can also ask teachers for extra time for assignments.
Try to serve lots of whole grains (like whole-wheat bread, brown rice, and oatmeal), vegetables, and fruit. Limit less healthy things like white bread, sugary snacks, and soda.
Have your child go to bed and get up at the same time each day to get the most daytime light.

If your child or teen has SAD, explain that it’s seasonal. So. even though it could happen each year, there are things that help if it does.

Talk about how SAD will get better, even though it may seem hard right now.

Negative Discipline Techniques Parents Should Never Use

Tue, 24 Oct 2023 21:29:59 GMT

Kids are moody. One moment, they may get happy over a small thing, and the next moment, they may throw a tantrum for no reason. If your kid also has his share of meltdowns, you need not punish him to discipline him. Parents should never adopt negative or stringent ways to discipline their kid. It is imperative to teach the value of discipline to a growing child, but not at the cost of being harsh on him.

Why Negative Discipline is Harmful?

All children depend on their parents for emotional support and love. However, when parents use various hurtful ways of disciplining their ch ild, it fiddles with their psychological, emotional, and physical well-being of the child. In other words, it can have damaging effects on the growth and development of the child.

Some of the methods that you must avoid to save your child from the negative effects of discipline include:

1. Shouting

You should not shout at your child because when you shout at your little one, he may not be able to understand what you want from him or what you intend him to do. On the contrary, your child may get scared and may even feel ashamed for his actions. Talk to him politely instead, tell him what he did wrong and help him correct it.

2. Emotional Blackmailing

Getting things done from your child by emotionally blackmailing him is not a good technique of parenting. This way your child may find it hard to trust or believe you.

3. Humiliating Your Child in Public

Whenever you scold or shout at your child in front of your family members, friends, or relatives, you insult your child in front of everyone. This may shake his self-respect a nd self-confidence .

4. Sending Your Child On Guilt Trips

Making a statement or saying hurtful words to make a child feel guilty for his actions may not be good for his self-worth. This way your kid may become resentful and may find himself engulfed in the vicious cycle of guilt.

5. Being Sarcastic

Sarcasm may not be a good way of disciplining a child. Little ones don’t get sarcasm and the older ones may feel hurt and may take your sarcastic comment to heart. They may also isolate themselves from you slowly. Furthermore, your child’s self-esteem may also be affected negatively. Hence, it is suggested that you watch what you speak.

6. Physical Violence

Physical abuse of any kind not only causes physical hurt and trauma to a child but it also affects the child emotionally. If you want your child to grow up into a kind person and remember his childhood happily then never use physical abuse to discipline your child. Physical violence is never an option for anything.

7. Commanding Your Child

Your child is not a slave of yours to order him around. Yes, you want him to respect elders and do as he is told, but there’s a way to get things done. Forcing your child to do something will instill fear in him and he may not come to you. Unreasonable commanding parenting style may make your child feel suffocated and helpless. You may ask your child to do the exact same things in a loving manner.

8. Being Distant or Cold

In order to punish your child for his mistakes, you may act distant or become cold towards him. But this technique of discipline should never be adopted as young children are dependent on their parents for emotional support. Acting cold to your kid may shake his trust and he may distant himself from you.

9. Threatening

Asking your child to do a certain thing by threatening him is also a negative way of disciplining your child. This way you scare your kid. If you threaten your kid, he will be under the constant fear of consequences of his actions.

10. Abusive Language

You should not use abusive words or language for your child. Verbal abuse is no less than physical abuse and can have the same ill-effects on the child. The use of inappropriate words, curse words or slang should be avoided when you are with your child.

All parents wish to inculcate and imbibe good habits and virtues in their children. However, using wrong means like adopting negative ways of disciplining is not considered a healthy practice and may harm the child physically and emotionally.

Supporting LGBTQ+ Foster Youth as a Foster Parent!

Tue, 24 Oct 2023 21:19:28 GMT

Approximately 170,000 children, youth, and young adults ages 10 to 20 are in foster care in the United States. Youth who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, or other diverse identity (LGBTQ+) are overrepresented in foster care with at least three studies estimating about 30 percent of youth in foster care identify as LGBTQ+. This percentage could be underreported as youth who come out often risk harassment, rejection, abuse, or abandonment from their families or care providers. Some LGBTQ+ youth enter the child welfare system for the same reasons that other children and youth enter care, which are reasons unrelated to the youth’s identity or behaviors. Other youth; however, are rejected and in some cases, neglected or abused by their families of origin when learning that they identify as LGBTQ+. Many youth are rejected because their birth and resource families’ religious beliefs and attitudes towards LGBTQ+ community create abuse and safety issues. “(As cited in Child Welfare Information Gateway, Supporting LGBTQ+ Youth: A Guide for Foster Parents, June 2021)”. According to a case study by The Williams Institute, UCLA School of Law, found that LGBTQ+ in foster care were 1.5 to 2 times more likely to experience frequent placement disruptions, homelessness, and other factors that lead to poor permanency outcomes compared with LGBTQ+ youth living outside of foster care.

The good news is that rejection, maltreatment, and other traumas can be mitigated by foster and adoptive families who acknowledge, respect, and support LGBTQ+ youth in ways that nurture and protect the health, safety, and well-being of these young people. When child welfare agencies identify and ensure access to foster homes that provide stable, supportive, and affirming families for LGBTQ+ youth, these youth can develop the strength and self-confidence they need to become successful adults. “(As cited in Child Welfare Information Gateway, Supporting LGBTQ+ Youth: A Guide for Foster Parents, June 2021)”.

As a resource parent, it is highly crucial to provide an open, non-judgmental, nurturing, and supportive home environment for all youth you take into care. This is especially so for youth who identify as LGBTQ+ and allowing them the ability, freedom and comfort level to express themselves or explore their gender identity and expression. Some ways, “(As cited in Child Welfare Information Gateway, Supporting LGBTQ+ Youth: A Guide for Foster Parents, June 2021)”, you can implement support in your home and in your relationships with the youth are:

Make it clear that slurs or jokes based on sex assigned at birth, gender expression or identity, or sexual orientation are not tolerated in your house. Express you disapproval of these types of jokes or slurs when you encounter them in the community or media.
Display “hate-free zone” signs or other symbols indicating an LGBTQ-affirming environment.
Use gender-neutral language when asking about relationships. For example, instead of, “Do you have a girlfriend? Ask, “Are you dating anyone?”
Celebrate diversity in all forms. Provide access to a variety of books, movies, and material, including those that positively represent same-gender relationships. Point out LGBTQ+ celebrities, role models who stand up for the LGBTQ+ community and people who demonstrate bravery in the face of social stigma.
Let youth in your care know that you are willing to listen and talk about anything.
Support their self-expression through their choices of clothing, jewelry, hairstyle, friends, and room decoration.
Insist that other family members include and respect all youth in your home.
Allow youth to participate in activities that interest them, regardless of whether these activities are stereotypically masculine or feminine.
Educate yourself about LGBTQ+ history, issues, and resources.

Here are some great resources and reads that focus on the LGBTQ+ community and ways you can educate yourself, support, and/or advocate:

Halloween Health & Safety Tips!

Tue, 24 Oct 2023 21:12:37 GMT

Halloween is a time for spooky thrills and imagination. However, the holiday also brings some extra risks for children and teens.

Did you know that child pedestrian injuries are more likely on Halloween than on any other night of the year, for example? Help keep Halloween fun and safe for your family with these tips.

Safety on the trick-or-treat trail.

Always accompany young children on their neighborhood rounds. If trick-or-treating doesn't start until after dark where you live, consider checking with your town or park district for Halloween activities offered earlier in the day. Research sho ws that evenings from 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. are the riskiest times of day for child pedestrians.
If your older children are trick-or-treating alone, plan and review the route that is acceptable to you. Agree on a specific time when they should return home and get flashlights with batteries for everyone.
Talk with kids about the risk of distracted walking. This includes text messaging, talking on or looking at the mobile phone and listening to music.
Cross the street as a group in established crosswalks. Most (62%) child pedestrian traffic fatalities occurred mid-block, rather than at intersections. Make sure kids know not to cross the street between parked cars or out of driveways or alleys.
Don't assume cars will stop just because they have the right of way. Motorists may have trouble-seeing trick-or-treaters.
Stay on well-lit streets and always use the sidewalk. If no sidewalk is available, walk at the far edge of the roadway facing traffic. Only go to homes with a porch light on and, ideally, a well-lit pathway.
Older children should travel in groups and create a "buddy system" to get each other home safely.
Caution kids never enter a home or car for a treat. Notify law enforcement authorities immediately about any suspicious or unlawful activity.
Review with children how to call 9-1-1 (or their local emergency number) if they ever have an emergency or become lost or is prone to wander .

A message to parents of teen drivers

Before you let your child drive on Halloween, take precautions and set specific rules. Use our Parent-Teen Driving Agreement .

Preparing your home for trick-or-treaters

Remove tripping hazards to keep your home safe for visiting trick-or-treaters. Keep the porch and front yard clear of items such as garden hoses, toys and bikes.
Check outdoor lights and replace burned-out bulbs.
Sweep wet leaves from sidewalks and steps to prevent anyone from slipping on them.
Restrain pets so they do not jump on or bite a trick-or-treater.

Children & dog bites

Children are the most common victims of dog bites, and also most likely to be severely injured. Teach your child never to pet a dog without asking permission first. Find more dog bit prevention t ips here .

Costume safety tips

Plan costumes that are bright and reflective. Consider adding reflective tape or striping to costumes and trick-or-treat bags for greater visibility.
Make sure that shoes fit well, and that costumes are short enough to prevent tripping, getting caught on objects or coming into contact with firepits.
Look for "flame resistant" on the costume labels. Wigs and accessories should also clearly indicate this.
Hats should fit properly to prevent them from sliding over eyes and blocking vision.
Consider non-toxic makeup and decorative hats as safer alternatives to masks. Makeup should be tested ahead of time on a small patch of your child's skin to ensure there are no unpleasant surprises or allergic reactions on the big day. Toxic ingredients have been found in cosmetics marketed to teens and tweens.
Avoid any sharp or long swords, canes or sticks as a costume accessory. Your child can easily be hurt by these accessories if he or she stumbles or trips.
Do not use decorative contact lenses without an eye examination and a prescription from an eye care professional. While the packaging on decorative lenses will often make claims such as "one size fits all," or "no need to see an eye specialist," getting decorative contact lenses without a prescription is both dangerous and illegal. This can cause pain, inflammation and serious eye disorders and infections, which may lead to permanent vision loss.

Pumpkins & decorating safety

Never allow small children to carve pumpkins. Children can draw a face with markers. Parents can do the cutting and then let little ones clean out the inside pulp and seeds. The American Society for Surgery of the Hand offers safe carving tips.
Consider using a flashlight or glow stick instead of a candle to light your pumpkin. If you do use a candle, a votive candle is safest.
Do not place candlelit pumpkins on a porch or any path where visitors may pass close by. They should never be left unattended.

Healthy Halloween

Give your child a good meal prior to parties and trick-or-treating; this will discourage filling up on Halloween treats.
Consider offering non-edible goodies to trick-or-treaters. Halloween is one of the trickiest days of the year for children with food allergies . Food Allergy Research & Education's Teal Pumpkin Project suggests items such as glow sticks, spider rings, vampire fa ngs, pencils, bubbles, bouncy balls, finger puppets, whistles, bookmarks, stickers and stencils.
Wait until children are home to sort and check treats before eating them. Though tampering is rare, it can happen. A responsible adult should closely examine all treats and throw away any spoiled, unwrapped or suspicious items.
Keep an eye on what your child has in their mouth at all times while on the trick-or-treat trail. Once your child is ready to enjoy treats at home, keep in mind that babies and toddlers should not have any hard candies, caramel apples, popcorn, gum, small candies (jellybeans, etc.), gummy candy, pumpkin seeds or anything with whole nuts. Candy wrappers, stickers, small toys or temporary tattoos can be a choking hazard , as well. As all parents know, babies and toddlers will put just about anything into their mouths!
Try to ration treats for the days and weeks following Halloween. If you keep candy guidelines realistic, consistent and positive, your Halloween is less likely to be about arguing or controlling candy. Make a plan together so everyone knows what to expect. It's also a great opportunity to teach your kids about moderation, balance and healthful indulging.

How Musical Play Can Help Foster Children!

Tue, 24 Oct 2023 21:00:37 GMT

Music has this amazing power to captivate us and make us feel all sorts of emotions. When it comes to children in foster care who have been through tough times, musical play becomes even more important. It has a special significance because it helps these kids heal and grow in a positive way.

When it comes to child development, musical play can be an impactful technique for growth and healing. Music has a way of captivating our senses and stirring emotions within us. In the case of children in foster care, who have experienced disruption and trauma, musical play takes on a special significance. Here, we will explore the benefits of musical play in encouraging the healthy development of children in care, providing them with a nurturing and transformative experience.

What is musical play?

Musical play refers to the engaging and interactive exploration of music through various activities such as singing, dancing, playing instruments, and creating rhythms and melodies. Similar to play therapy, it encourages children to actively participate, express themselves creatively, and develop a deeper connection with the world of music.

Emotional Expression and Regulation

Music has a unique ability to evoke and channel emotions. For children in foster care who have faced significant trauma, expressing and regulating emotions can be challenging. Musical play provides a safe space for them to express feelings whether through singing, creating music or dancing. It allows them to release pent up emotions, find comfort, and develop emotional resilience.

How can musical play help children in foster care?

Musical play holds a lot of potential for positively influencing the lives of children in foster care.

Self-expression and empowerment: Musical play allows children to express themselves freely, helping them find their voice and assert their identity. Through singing, playing instruments, and creating music, children can tell their stories, share their experiences, and celebrate their uniqueness. This empowers them with a strong sense of self-esteem and personal growth.
Building trust and attachment: The interactive nature of musical play creates opportunities for connection and trust building. Engaging in musical activities with caregivers and peers builds a sense of safety and security. It helps children in foster care develop positive relationships and build healthy attachments, which are crucial for their emotional well-being and overall development.

How does musical play work?

Musical play therapy contributes towards child development through various ways.

Emotional Engagement

Music has a direct impact on our emotions. It can evoke joy, sadness, excitement, or calmness. Through musical play, children in foster care can explore and express their emotions in a safe and non-threatening way. The melodies, rhythms, and lyrics allow them to connect with their feelings and experience a range of emotions, promoting their emotional well-being and helping them process their experiences.

Sensory stimulation

Musical play engages multiple senses simultaneously. Listening to music, feeling the vibrations of instruments, and participating in rhythmic movements activate the auditory, tactile, and kinesthetic senses. This sensory stimulation enhances sensory integration, promoting coordination, balance, and fine motor skills development.

Neurological activation

Engaging in musical play activates various areas of the brain. Playing instruments, singing, and listening to music stimulate neural connections, promoting brain development and cognitive abilities. The brain's response to music enhances memory, attention, and pattern recognition, fostering cognitive growth and intellectual skills.

5 types of musical play techniques

There are several techniques and activities that can be incorporated into musical play, but what is important to remember is that musical play does not have many rules. It is there to help children feel connected to the moment while simultaneously boosting their self-esteem and promoting healthy development.

Singing

Singing is a fundamental and very accessible form of musical play. You can sing anywhere you like, all year round! Children can sing along to familiar songs or learn new ones. Singing helps with language development, vocabulary expansion, and self-expression. It can be done individually or in groups, providing opportunities for social interaction and building confidence. Why not have a sing-along to your foster child’s favorite songs and enjoy a therapeutic release of emotions while making happy memories?

2. Instruments

Providing children with access to various musical instruments allows them to explore different sounds and textures. They can experiment with percussion instruments like drums or xylophones, or try their hand at string or wind instruments. Instrument exploration enhances fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and processing sounds, which can also be extremely beneficial for autistic children .

3. Movement and dance

Bringing movement and dance into musical play encourages physical activity and self-expression. Children can sway, jump, or dance to the rhythm of the music. This not only enhances gross motor skills but also allows them to release energy, improve coordination, and experience the joy of dance, because everyone loves a boogie from time to time!

4. Songwriting

Encouraging children to create their own songs is a powerful form of musical play. They can write lyrics, invent melodies, and experiment with different musical elements. This activity promotes creativity, self-expression, and fosters a sense of ownership and accomplishment.

5. Music listening and reflection

Listening to different genres of music and reflecting on how the songs make you feel can be a valuable aspect of musical play. Children can discuss their

Interpretations, share their feelings, and connect with the music on a deeper level. This activity promotes active listening, critical thinking, and emotional engagement.

In child development, musical play shines as a transformative force, particularly for children in foster care who have experienced a lot of anguish in their early lives. By engaging in musical play, these children can express their emotions, develop cognitive and social skills, experience healing, and find empowerment.

Term VS. Whole Life Insurance

Tue, 24 Oct 2023 20:43:46 GMT

Life insurance is a crucial aspect of financial planning that everyone should consider. It provides a safety net for your loved ones in case the unexpected occurs. There are several types of life insurance plans available, each with their own unique features and benefits. Two of the main types are term life and whole life.

Term Life

Term life insurance is one of the most popular types of life insurance policies available. It provides coverage for a specific period of time, usually ranging from 10 to 30 years. One of its main benefits is affordability. Compared to other types of life insurance policies, term life insurance is relatively inexpensive. This makes it an ideal option for individuals who need coverage but have a limited budget. In addition, term life insurance is easy to understand and purchase. There are no complicated investment options or cash value components to consider. It simply provides a death benefit to your beneficiaries if you pass away during the term of the policy.

Another advantage of term life insurance is that it can be tailored to meet your specific needs. For example, you can choose the length of the policy and the amount of coverage you need. This flexibility allows you to customize your policy to fit your individual circumstances.

However, one of the main drawbacks is that it only provides coverage for a specific period of time. Once the term of the policy has expired, you will need to purchase a new policy if you want to continue coverage. This can be a disadvantage if you develop health issues or other factors that make it difficult to obtain coverage in the future.

In addition, term life insurance does not build cash value. Unlike other types of life insurance policies, term life insurance does not provide an investment component. This means that you will not be able to borrow against the policy or use it to generate income in retirement.

Whole Life

Whole life insurance is a type of insurance policy that covers the policyholder for their entire lifetime as long as they pay their premiums. One of its most significant benefits is that it provides lifelong coverage, which means that the policyholder is protected for their entire life. Additionally, whole life insurance policies have a cash value component, which means that a portion of the premium is invested and accumulates over time. The cash value can be withdrawn or borrowed against, providing the policyholder with additional financial flexibility. Moreover, whole life insurance policies have a guaranteed death benefit, meaning that the beneficiaries will receive a payout regardless of when the policyholder passes away.

However, the premiums for whole life insurance are typically higher than those of other types of insurance policies. This is because whole life insurance policies provide lifelong coverage and have a cash value component. Additionally, the investment component of the policy may not generate significant returns, making it less attractive as an investment option. Furthermore, if the policyholder decides to surrender the policy or withdraw the cash value, they may face surrender charges and taxes.

Verdict

When considering life insurance, both term life and whole life have benefits and drawbacks and one isn’t clearly better than the other. It all depends on your life circumstance.

However, one thing is true, if you have dependents who rely on your income, life insurance is a must-have. Additionally, if you have significant debts or financial obligations that would be difficult for your loved ones to manage without your income, life insurance can provide peace of mind.

Life insurance is an essential component of financial planning. It provides a safety net for your loved ones and ensures their financial protection in case of your untimely death. With several types of policies available, it's important to assess your current and future needs to determine which plan is best suited for you and your family.

Toxic Stress: What Is It and How Can We Help Our Children Overcome It?

Fri, 29 Sep 2023 00:03:17 GMT

Children who experience early life toxic stress are at risk of long-term adverse health effects that may not manifest until adulthood. Children can experience a number of stressors throughout their childhood. It’s important to note not all stress is bad stress. There are generally three levels:

positive stress
tolerable stress
toxic stress

Positive stress refers to common, routine life events that may cause a temporary increase in our stress level from which we quickly recover. Some examples in children include learning to ride a bicycle, getting immunizations at the doctor’s office or the first day of school. Each of these experiences are temporary and do not traumatize the child.

Tolerable stress refers to experiences that are potentially traumatic and cause significant levels of stress in a child that last longer and take more effort from which to recover. Examples include the death of a loved one or surviving a natural disaster. These experiences cause a child’s body to generate a stress response that lasts a bit longer. Over time, the child’s mind and body recover from the experience because of the support of the caring adults around them.

Toxic stress refers to prolonged, traumatic life events that occur for an extended period of time in the child’s life without the protection of an adult. Examples of toxic stress can include abuse (physical, sexual, emotional), neglect (physical, emotional) and household dysfunction (parental mental illness, domestic violence, parental incarceration). In response to this prolonged exposure to toxic events, the child’s body produces a severe stress response that lasts for an extended period of time.

What are the consequences of toxic stress?

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” — Frederick Douglass

The result of this extended stress response is that a child’s nervous system, immune system and even DNA are changed. Toxic stress causes the fear centers of the brain (limbic system, amygdala) to significantly increase in size, and the child can develop symptoms very similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Toxic stress decreases the size and impairs the functioning of the regions of the brain responsible for learning, memory, executive functioning (prefrontal cortex, hippocampus). As a result, the child is placed at risk for having learning and behavior problems. The child’s immune system is suppressed and puts the child at risk for developing a variety of chronic, lifelong health conditions including asthma, heart disease, stroke, autoimmune disease and cancer. The DNA is changed in such a way that the child’s gene expression affects bodily functions and can potentially be passed on to the next generation.

How can we help children overcome the effects of toxic stress?

“If we don't stand up for children, then we don't stand for much.” — Marian Wright Edelman

Children can heal from the effects of toxic stress if they develop healthy relationships with caring, reliable, safe, compassionate adults who guide them through the healing process. Adults can help children heal from their traumatic experiences by helping children build resilience – the ability to overcome adversity. Resilience can be developed over time by providing the child opportunities to build mastery and develop effective strategies for managing stressors and adversity. The following factors contribute to resilience:

Building a sense of self-efficacy and perceived control
Providing opportunities to strengthen adaptive skills and self-regulatory capacities
Mobilizing sources of faith, hope and cultural traditions

Retirement Planning

Fri, 15 Sep 2023 20:02:26 GMT

Retirement planning is an essential aspect of personal finance that requires careful consideration and attention. Ameriprise Financial has a great 3-Minute Confident Requirement Check to help see where you are at with your current retirement planning. A good retirement plan involves setting specific goals, estimating expenses, and saving for the future.

To begin with, it is important to determine your retirement goals, such as where you want to live, what kind of lifestyle you want, and how much money you will need to live comfortably. Once you have a clear idea of your goals, you can start estimating your expenses, including healthcare, housing, food, and entertainment. Based on these estimates, you can then calculate how much you need to save each month to reach your goals. Here are a couple of links to retirement calculators that you can try: Vanguard Retirement Calculator and Bankrate Retirement Calculator .

You can also consider opening a retirement account, such as an IRA or 401(k), to maximize your savings. One of the biggest benefits of starting an IRA is the potential for tax-deferred growth, which allows your money to grow without being taxed until you withdraw it in retirement, when you are usually at a lower tax rate. This can result in significant savings over the long term. In addition, starting an IRA can help diversify your investment portfolio and provide a sense of financial security. By investing in a variety of assets, such as stocks, bonds, and mutual funds, you can spread out your risk and potentially earn higher returns.

There may be times, however, when you need to pull money out of your retirement fund early, but how can you do that, and what impact does it have? First, and foremost, it is important to note that withdrawing money from your retirement fund before the age of 59 ½ is generally not recommended. It can result in a 10% penalty tax on top of the income tax you have to pay. However, there are some exceptions to this rule. For instance, you can withdraw money from your retirement fund early for medical expenses, education fees, or to purchase a first home.

To do this, you need to fill out a withdrawal request form provided by your plan administrator and provide documentation to support your claim. The amount you can withdraw depends on the type of retirement account you have and the reason for the withdrawal.

Remember that withdrawing money from your retirement fund early can have a significant impact on your retirement savings. It can reduce the amount of money you have available for your retirement years, and you may miss out on the compounding interest that your savings would have earned. This should only be done as a last resort and after careful consideration of the consequences.

Finally, it is important to review and adjust your retirement plan periodically to ensure you are on track to meet your goals. With careful planning and consistent saving, you can enjoy a financially secure retirement.

Smelly Teen? Let's Talk Teen Hygiene!

Wed, 06 Sep 2023 22:17:51 GMT

Teaching teens about good hygiene tends to be one part teaching and many parts (gentle) reminders.

It's common for kids to grow less vigilant on personal hygiene when they hit middle and high school, especially once they're no longer under their parent's watchful eye while grooming. Here's a primer on which healthy hygiene habits to teach your teen and how to instill them into your child's daily routine.

Why Are Hygiene Habits Important?

Hygiene is essentially how we keep our bodies clean. Cleanliness practices serve two basic functions. Firstly, being clean helps us to be sanitary—maybe not completely free of germs, but mostly free of the germs that are harmful and could cause disease. Poor hygiene can lead to tooth decay, skin infections, and many other preventable illnesses.

Secondly, hygiene impacts social interactions. Other people, adults in particular, expect people to be clean. Good hygiene allows us to interact with other people more positively. It can be unpleasant to be in close contact with someone who has bad breath or body odor.

Proper hygiene demonstrates that you take care of and value yourself. Plus, it's respectful to others to present yourself in a tidy manner. Poor hygiene, on the other hand, can result in social rejection.

Where Teens Learn About Hygiene

In many cases, our children learn how to behave by watching our example. Hygiene is no different. If you have a regular routine for keeping yourself clean, your teen will see this as normal behavior. However, it's also typical for tweens and teens to become laxer about their hygiene routines, so it's helpful for parents to be diligent in making sure their kids are keeping up with these daily habits.

If your child skips a day of teeth brushing or showering, it's not the end of the world. However, if this pattern slips into several days, ignoring these tasks might snowball into rarely doing them unless parents step in.

Peers also shape how teens behave. If your child's best friend tends to be especially clean or loads up on cologne, don't be surprised when your kid starts showering more frequently or comes home with a new body wash or perfume. Alternatively, if their friends don't seem especially concerned with maintaining optimal hygiene, then your child might become less inclined as well.

Many schools also instruct students about the importance of proper hygiene habits, such as showering regularly and wearing deodorant.

Teen Hygiene Basics

Different families will have different preferences or rules in terms of what constitutes proper hygiene. So, in some households, a daily bath and freshly combed hair are expected, while others may opt for less stringent requirements. Follow your instincts on what is needed for your child.

Typical Hygiene Guidelines

Every teen should:

Brush teeth twice a day and, preferably, floss daily.
Shower or bathe as needed, which often means every day or every other day.
Trim nails, as needed.
Use deodorant or antiperspirant as needed.
Wash hair regularly.
Wear clean socks and underwear every day.

What is Financial Literacy?

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 22:26:44 GMT

Financial literacy is a crucial component of personal finance management. It refers to the knowledge and skills required to make informed financial decisions. Financial literacy is crucial in today's world, where financial decisions can significantly impact our lives. A lack of it can lead to poor financial decisions, such as overspending, accumulating debt, and failing to save for the future. On the other hand, individuals who have strong financial literacy are better equipped to manage their finances effectively, make informed investment decisions, and plan for retirement.

One of the essential aspects of financial literacy is budgeting. Budgeting involves creating a plan for how to allocate your income towards expenses, savings, and investments. There are so many different methods you can use to budget, you are bound to find one that works for you and your household. Some examples of budgeting methods include activity-based budgeting; incremental budgeting; value proposition budgeting; zero-based budgeting; flexible budgeting; and envelope budgeting. You can find many resources on these budgeting methods with a simple search on an online search engine (i.e. What is Value Proposition Budgeting).

Another crucial aspect to financial literacy is managing debt. This involves understanding the different types of debt and how to manage them effectively. It is important to note that not all types of debt are bad. Some examples of good debt include taking out a mortgage, buying things that save you time and money, buying essential items, and investing in yourself by borrowing for more education or to consolidate debt. Each may put you in a hole initially, but you will probably be better off in the long run for having borrowed the money.

Investing is also a critical area of financial literacy. Investing involves putting your money into assets such as stocks, bonds, or real estate with the goal of generating a return. It is important to understand the risks and potential rewards of different investments before making any decisions. You never want to invest money that you cannot afford to lose.

Finally, it is essential to have a solid understanding of credit. Credit can impact your ability to borrow money, purchase a home, or even get a job. By understanding how credit works and how to manage it responsibly, you can avoid financial pitfalls and set yourself up for success.

Overall, financial literacy is essential for anyone looking to make informed decisions about their money, and improving financial literacy can lead to better financial outcomes for individuals and families, as well as contribute to a more financially stable society. By understanding the basics of budgeting, debt management, investing, and credit, individuals can take control of their financial futures and achieve their goals.

Back to School Challenges for Foster Youth

Fri, 25 Aug 2023 20:04:17 GMT

Back to school is an exciting time for most kids. But for children in foster care, returning to school can come with its own set of challenges, anxieties, and fears. Some foster youth in care may feel comfortable enough to share they are in foster care or in a foster home; however, there may be others who are more private about their situation or embarrassed by it.

As a parent, you should be prepared to talk with your children about what foster care is and what that means for some youth. Your kids may hear things in their classroom or on the playground that they do not understand. A child in their class might mention that they do not live with their parents. Similarly, one of your child’s friends might talk about their encounters with police or social workers. It is important for your child to respond with compassion to children in foster care. These children are hurting. They are experiencing trauma. Your child’s response could help make a difference. Equip your children to respond lovingly to their friends and classmates who might be in foster care. Explain that children enter foster care through no fault of their own. Typically, these children have experienced abuse, neglect, or abandonment and are unable to continue living safely with their families. While foster care sometimes leads to adoption, many case plans have a goal of reunification with the biological parents. (Hetro, Natalie. “What ‘Back to School’ means for children in foster care”. Focus on the Family, August 31, 2021, www.focusonthefamily.com).

According to the California Department of Education (CDE) students in foster care represent one of the most vulnerable and academically at-risk student groups enrolled in California schools. The CDE monitors the educational outcomes for foster youth and engages with multiple state agencies and non-profit organizations to ensure these students receive the supports and services they need.

Students in foster care often face complex challenges arising from the instability of their living arrangements. Although children in foster care have a right to remain in their schools of origin, removal from the family home or changes in foster care placement can cause students to move schools or even districts. As a result, children in foster care are often faced with the double burden of adjusting to a new school and a new home situation. Multiple or unanticipated school moves can interrupt students’ learning progression. On top of navigating new transportation arrangements and a new campus, school changes mean adjusting to new curricula and teachers. Students may have missed some topics or material already covered at their new school, encounter significant differences in teaching, which can result in lost academic credits and challenge the receiving school’s ability to serve transferring students. Changing schools midyear, not only significantly disrupts the youth’s academic progress creating setbacks in their learning and subject completion but also can disrupt supportive social relationships they have developed with peers, teachers, and mentors. These losses can reduce the students’ sense of belonging and level of engagement at school.

The experience of trauma is also a key barrier to students’ educational success. Students in foster care are more likely than their peers to have experienced trauma due to family separation and/or the circumstances that led to being placed in foster care. While many children in foster care exhibit resilience, trauma can take a toll. The experience of trauma can inhibit students’ abilities to concentrate, with consequences for their learning. Behavioral issues that may be symptomatic of trauma, such as attention-seeking actions, can be easily misunderstood as intentional wrongdoing, result in exclusionary discipline, and reduce access to learning opportunities. In all, the academic and social-emotional experiences of children in foster care are impacted by myriad circumstances that arise concurrently both in and out of school. (Burns, Dion, Espinoza, Daniel, Adams, Julie, Ondrasek, Naomi. “California’s Students in Foster Care: Challenges and Promising Practices”. Learning Policy Institute, Published September 12, 2022, www.learningpolicyinstitute.org ).

As identified by Camelot Care Centers at www.camelotdifference.com , h ere are some tips for foster parents to help you prepare your foster child for a less challenging and successful school year.

Prepare for School. Preparing for the upcoming school year is crucial to ensure a smooth transition and provide the best education experience for the child in your care. Early organization of all necessary information and documentation is vital to minimize any delays in the student’s academics. Purchasing new school clothes, shoes, and supplies can excite then for the upcoming school year and make them feel confident in their appearance and preparation.

Establish a Routine. Start implementing a consistent daily routine in the weeks leading up to the school year. This will help the child adjust to the structure and expectations of school life. Additionally, creating consistent daily routines that include dedicated time for homework, study, and extracurricular activities. Predictable patterns help foster children feel secure and develop good study habits.

Establish Open Communication. Building a positive and open line of communication with the school and relevant professionals is crucial to navigating the back-to-school season successfully. This will ensure that you are well informed about your foster child’s education and that the school knows their unique circumstances and needs.

Share Relevant Information. Provide the school with relevant information about your foster child’s background and any specific needs they may have. This could include details about their history, previous school experiences, any special accommodations or services they require, and any significant events or transitions they have recently gone through. Sharing this information will help the school better understand your foster child’s needs and provide appropriate support. Be sure you are sharing this information with relevant school personnel as it should remain confidential.

Be Proactive. Take the initiative to contact the school and schedule a meeting or phone call with your foster child’s teacher and other key personnel. This proactive approach demonstrates your commitment to their education and establishes a foundation for ongoing communication throughout the school year.

Attend Parent-Teach Conferences. Back To School Night, & Open House. Make it a priority to attend these events. These meetings and engagements offer valuable opportunities to meet the teachers and other administration, view and discuss the child’s progress, and address any concerns.

Collaborate with School Services. Work with school counselors, social workers, and special education coordinators. These professionals can provide additional support and resources for your foster child’s specific needs.

Seek Assistance and Support. Fostering can be stressful, and many foster parents may feel isolated or overwhelmed by their responsibilities. Seek support and guidance during those times through Education Advocacy Groups, Online Communities and Forums for Foster Parents, Professional Associations, Educational Groups, PTA’s, etc. Collaborating with these groups, not only offers support but significant and helpful information, and can aid in any challenges relating to your foster child’s education.

What to Do When Your Child Does not Want to Go to School

Thu, 17 Aug 2023 21:38:19 GMT

Since we are heading back to school for another school year, it’s important to understand some of the issues that can come up. It is expected for your child not to want to go to school every now and again, as we all know how great a day “off” can be. However, if your child is regularly expressing that they “don’t want to go to school,” or even have meltdowns at the prospect of going to school, you are probably having questions like, “Should I be worried? Why doesn’t my child like school? And how on earth can I get them to attend school peacefully?”

This article aims to provide guidance about what to do when your child does not want to go to school.

What is school refusal?

School refusal, also sometimes referred to as school avoidance , occurs when a child protests against going to school and attempts to avoid going or staying at school. School refusal is different from a “bad day,” because it typically lasts for a prolonged period and/or is highly distressing/disruptive.

School refusal can look like:

Big expressions of feelings, like tantrums, crying, or yelling.
Faking sickness or injury, which typically resolves if they get to stay home.
Clinging to you or begging not to go.
Resisting the “getting ready” routine.
Hiding from you, or shutting themselves in their room.
Getting so distressed that they cannot attend all or part of the school day.
Leaving class to go to the nurse’s office regularly.
Expresses distress, worries, or fears about going to school, and a desire not to.

If your child’s behavior as it relates to school is negatively affecting your child’s ability to learn, or your family’s ability to function, it is time to seek additional help. That could look like, making you late for work, agitating or negatively influencing siblings’ perspective on school, adding extra stress, sparking conflicts between you and your partner, and beyond.

If your family is experiencing any of these challenges, know that you are not alone and that support exists for you! A mental health expert will be able to evaluate your child’s behavior as it relates to school, provide insights about what might be causing it, and offer treatment, as applicable.

What causes school refusal?

Unfortunately, there is no universally true answer for why your child does not want to go to school. However, here are a few common reasons why children may be avoiding school:

Trouble with other students or a teacher: If your child is having a conflict or difficulty communicating with a peer or instructor, they may avoid going to school.
Trouble with a topic or evaluation: Some children may avoid school when they are having a hard time with a subject (like history) or topic (like oration), or because they are worried about a poor test result or evaluation.
Anxiety or Depression: If your child is experiencing anxiety or depression, which may have an impact on their willingness to go to school. Sometimes, anxiety in young children shows up as stomachaches and pains.
Bullying: Children who are experiencing bullying may also be reluctant to go to school.
Sensory challenges: Some children may find school, with its loud noises, bright lights, vibrant colors, and overall activity, overwhelming for their senses.
Learning disabilities: Children who live with ADHD, dyslexia, or other learning disabilities may find school particularly challenging and try to avoid it.
Desire for attention: Being home probably means more quality time with loved ones. Some children might try to stay home for a little extra attention and affection.
Desire to do something more entertaining, exciting, or rewarding than school: Lots of children find playing video games, watching TV, hanging out with friends and siblings, and spending time with mom and dad preferable to being in the classroom. Sometimes, school avoidance is as simple as wanting to have fun.

Keep in mind that this list is only a starting point; there may be other reasons why your child is avoiding school.

If you are worried, an evaluation with a child mental health expert can provide more clarity. They will look for signs of mental health concerns, like anxiety, depression, or learning disabilities, to help you determine a path forward.

How to respond to school avoidance?

Here are three expert tips for how to respond to school avoidance.

Step 1: Try to Understand Why Your Child Does not Want to Go to School

As with most parenting challenges, it helps to approach your child with empathy, and attempt to understand their viewpoint.

Depending on your child’s age, they may be able to express their reluctance to go to school verbally. In other cases, you might have to play the detective. When your child is calm, you might try asking questions like:

What is the best part of the school day?
If you could change one aspect of your school, what would it be?
What are your friends at school like?
When you are worried about school, what does your body feel like? What emotions are you experiencing?

Think about changes at home that could be affecting their approach to school, like a move, recent loss, parental separation, or any other big changes.

Take what they say seriously and do your best to understand.

Step 2: Collaborate with your child’s school.

In many cases, your child’s school and teacher(s) can be a valuable resource both for understanding why your child does not want to go to school, and for supporting them in attending.

While you are trying to identify the reasons, it can be helpful to speak with teachers and school leaders. They may have noticed specific challenges, be aware of bullying, or even have heard from your child directly. You may want to ask if they have noticed any anxious behaviors, frequent stomach aches, lots of nurse visits, etc. Some schools will even allow you to observe your child in the classroom.

Once you know the reasons why your child is avoiding school, it is helpful to share that with the school, too. Often, they can help watch for bullying, provide resources for learning disabilities, and connect your family with more support.

Step 3: Problem-solve with your child.

It is important to show your child that you support them by problem-solving with them. Simply letting them know you are going to figure it out together can make a world of difference.

Your plan for addressing school avoidance will depend on why your child does not want to go to school. For example, if they are having a lot of fun at home, you might try limiting screen time during school hours. On the other hand, children living with anxiety that results in school avoidance might benefit from therapy and exercises.

Working through these problems together, and empowering your child to go back to school with more calm, can help them build confidence and practice resilience.

As you follow through on your plan, do your best to express your understanding and be encouraging, without being stressed, upset, or frustrated with them.

Tips for dealing with school anxiety

If you believe that your child is experiencing school anxiety , it is important to speak with a mental health professional for an evaluation. Treatments like cognitive-behavioral therapy are often very helpful for childhood anxiety. A mental health professional will be able to help develop specific skills and practices.

In the meantime, here are two things that may help:

Read stories together about characters that try new experiences and learn to manage worrying feelings.
Practice deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation. These can help teens children relax their brains and bodies.

Sextortion-What It Is and What Parents Can Do To Help Prevent and Stop It!

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 23:10:27 GMT

Not long ago, making prank calls was the worst trouble a group of teens could get into with a telephone.

But today, predators use phones to stalk and blackmail teens on social media and dating apps. Sextortion — the act of threatening to share nude or explicit images — is more common than you may think, and cases affecting young children, teens and adults have increased exponentially in the past two years. In fact, Homeland Security Investigations received over 3,000 sextortion tips in fiscal year 2022.

One current sextortion trend targets boys between 14 and 17 years old. Adult predators pretending to be young girls feign romantic interest in the boys on gaming platforms, apps and social media sites.

It starts simply enough: A teen responds to an online request to expose parts of their body on a webcam or send a nude photo to a new online “friend.” The next thing the teen knows, their new friend threatens to expose them by publicizing the photos — unless they pose for more explicit photos or send money.

In some schemes, adult predators deceive and manipulate young males into engaging in explicit activity over video, which the predator secretly records. The predator then reveals that they’ve made the recording and threatens to post clips online if the victim doesn’t pay up.

This terrifying and dehumanizing violation feeds on victims’ shame. The emotional results for victims — especially kids — is devastating. Feeling embarrassed, hopeless and isolated, many of these teens have nowhere to turn. Some even go so far as to take their own lives without knowing that help is available.

In their initial contact with a young person, predators often send friend requests and approach teens with compliments or flattery; they may also promise a romantic relationship. They start what appear to be genuine conversations to strike up close friendships with their victims. Sometimes these criminals offer children something they value, such as the possibility of a modeling contract; online game credits or codes; or money, cryptocurrency and gift cards in exchange for a “quick picture.” Some even hack into computers to unearth sensitive material.

These predators then threaten to expose the material if the victim refuses to comply with their demands. They may also threaten victims by falsely claiming that they already have explicit photos that they intend to distribute, or they may threaten to harm the victim, other people, or things the victim cares about.

These criminals commonly make first contact with a victim on one platform, then ask them to move to a second or third platform that uses encrypted messaging to make tracking their crimes more difficult.

Sextortionists record and preserve entire chats and videos. They may also visit public social media profiles to find out more about their victims, combing through friend lists and gleaning other personal information that may harm their target’s reputation.

Your best defenses against sextortion

Open lines of communication are the best defense against sextortion. The embarrassment children feel from falling victim to these schemes often prevents them from coming forward to a parent, teacher, caregiver or law enforcement, so a single sextortion offender may have hundreds of undiscovered victims around the world. Parents and caregivers are encouraged to have conversations with their children early on regarding their online activity.

You can help protect your kids against sextortion by using the following tips:

Be a safe space. Your children may be embarrassed, but you should have an open dialogue with them before they’re exposed to sextortion. Let them know you have their backs if something happens in the future.
Consider limiting your children’s internet use or spot-check their phones and other devices. Keep tabs on the people your children are communicating with; this can be part of an open and ongoing conversation about what is (and isn’t) appropriate online. It also may be worth considering a rule against devices in bedrooms overnight or shutting off Wi-Fi access after a certain time.
Review your child’s social media privacy settings. Keeping accounts private can prevent predators from gathering their personal information.
Keep the door open. Let them know they can come to you and ask for help, and that helping will always be your top priority. These predators are powerful because of fear, and their victims suffer ever more negative consequences as the crime carries on over days, weeks and months. If you’re the adult a child trusts with this information, you should comfort them, help them understand they have been the victim of a crime, and help them report it to law enforcement.

Being cautious, aware and educated about online scams can help prevent victimization. With the amount of time people spend on the internet steadily increasing, now is the best time to learn preventive measures and spread awareness.

The following tips can also help ensure online safety:

Don’t accept a friend request from anyone online you don’t know in real life.
Don’t give any personal contact info (email or handles) to anyone you haven’t met IRL.
If someone you don’t know asks for personally identifying information, say no.
Never share your passwords with anyone.
Don’t use easy to guess passwords, such as pets’ names, birth dates or anything that someone can guess by reviewing your social media profiles.
Don’t click on links in e-mails that come from people you don’t know; doing so could compromise your device.
Teach your teens to report threats. Though they may be stressed or embarrassed, talk to your them about online safety and encourage them to come forward when they receive a suspicious email.
Be wary of the recording devices you bring into your home. Some low-security devices (such as baby monitors and nanny-cams) are easy to exploit.
Assume your webcam or recording devices can be activated remotely. Never have your phone or other electronic camera devices pointed at you while undressing or in a position you would not want to share with the world.
Cover your webcam when you’re not using it; if your webcam doesn’t have a built-in cover, use a sticker or piece of tape to cover it.

Chores Build Self Confidence: Here’s How!

Wed, 09 Aug 2023 23:00:13 GMT

I do not know about you, but the summer makes me itchy. It is not the heat, or the mosquito bites, or the mountains of school papers and art projects that no one wants to sort, or part with, that are still parked in the front hall even though school let out weeks ago. No, for many, the itchiness has to do with being parents faced with the reality that kids are home for weeks now with N-O-T-H-I-N-G to do. Clearly children have a slightly different take on the situation: I believe it has best been captured by a clothing line motto, it goes something like this: life is good.

Even if kids are in camp, there is still a lot of downtime after and the television and video games beckon. Our children become leisure monsters, call it what you will, it is not too pretty. A good solution that is a win-win and it’s called the “Common Good List”.

So these common good lists have, “common good tasks” and post them on the fridge. Some tasks can be daily necessities like folding laundry, cooking, doing dishes, others were more periodic household maintenance: cleaning shelves in the refrigerator, recycling old notices from the school year that were on the bulletin board, organizing a closet or the DVD’s, refilling spice bottles, etc. If you have multiple children have them figure out between them who would do what, or what tasks they might share. Depending on their age, adolescents can put in about 45 minutes a day for the common good. If they were doing that, the other hours of the day could be theirs.

Chores are associated with future success in life. Why?

Aside from helping busy families make things work; chores have benefits far beyond the immediate. When a child has a task that is not instantly entertaining and enjoyable—it challenges that child to find the fun, to sustain the effort, to be patient, to work towards a goal that might not be immediately obvious or gratifying but in the end—it is. Kids entrusted with responsibilities are earning your trust, are being seen as important contributing members of their first community: family. This sets them up for seeing themselves in this light as they venture out into bigger versions of communities—school, jobs, towns, the world at large. This is how they learn that they count. This is where an authentic sense of self-esteem, self-worth and self-efficacy come from. It reinforces lifelong skills of working hard and working together, that each of us contributes to the common good—to the greater good.

Also, children begin to appreciate more the logic of how a household works. If kids help out, then parents have more time to do other things with their kids, or to be less stressed and more present for the time that the family is together. This is real life. While there is no hard and fast research on this, you can imagine that it goes over a lot better to explain this plan in a calm, matter of fact way rather than like a jail sentence; e.g., “There are a lot of things that need to be done, if we all pitch in, we’ll get done faster and we’ll have more time to do other things”. Let’s work together,” vs. “You’re lazy, turn off the tv and pitch in.”

Here are some ideas to get this started in your house:

How Much time? Rule of thumb is about 5-10 minutes for children under 7, Children age 8-10—15-25 minutes, Children over ten, 25-45 minutes. Be flexible, many children are certainly capable of more, but the point is to get into the habit of doing this work every day, or at least several times a week, so it’s not about seeing how much they can get done, but rather, how much they can get done without complaining too much.

Timing it Right “Common good time” is best scheduled for immediately before a more preferred activity. So for example, have common good time before you are going on a family outing to a park or swimming pool, or before tv-time, so the desire to get to the “dessert” part of the day will help your kids persevere through “dinner.”

Chore, Surprise! With younger children, put small chore ideas on pieces of paper and place the choices in a basket. Every day your child can choose a chore out of the basket—the element of surprise can make this more appealing to younger children.

Chore Time Flies When You’re a Superhero: For young kids turn clean up into a story— they are superheroes who need to save your house from utter chaos.

Whistle While You Work: Teens especially will want to bring their own music, and why not? Let them plug in if they’d like.

T eam Meeting: If your kids are going to be especially resistant to this idea, rather than just telling them what to do, garner their cooperation by giving them the opportunity to identify tasks that they could see being useful to the family, and also… that they could see themselves doing. As long as it is useful it doesn’t matter what it is.

Clean Sweep: If you don’t have time to sit and make a list, but you want your kids to help out, institute a “clean sweep” time. Often this is about 15 minutes (let your child set the timer) before going out or before dinner where everyone selects a task or two to clean up the common areas of the house—toys, shoes, backpacks, mail, snack dishes etc. It’s not a deep cleaning, but it’s the important clearing and putting away of items back where they belong.

Appreciate All Efforts: Maybe your children won’t get the job done as well or as quickly as you would, but applaud and appreciate the effort even if the outcome is a work in progress. This isn’t a spot-check experience, you are reinforcing skills for life.

(derived from by Tamar Chansky, Ph.D.
Founder, Worrywisekids.org)

How to Improve Your Credit Score and Why You Should!

Mon, 31 Jul 2023 18:07:38 GMT

First off, what is a credit score and why is it important? A credit score is a numerical representation of an individual’s creditworthiness based on their credit history. It is important because it can affect your ability to get approved for loans, credit cards, and mortgages. Lenders use your credit score to assess how likely you are to repay debt. A good credit score can also help you get better interest rates, which can save you money in the long run.

Several factors can affect your credit score, including payment history, credit utilization, length of credit history, types of credit used, and new credit inquiries. The impact of each factor can vary depending on your individual situation. However, payment history tends to have the most significant impact on your credit score. Late payments or missed payments can lower your score by a significant amount.

So how can you improve your credit score?

1. Make timely payments on all your credit accounts

2. Keep your credit utilization low by not using more than 30% of your available credit

3. Avoid applying for new credit unless necessary

4. Check your credit report for errors and dispute any inaccuracies

a. Free credit reports can be requested at https://www.annualcreditreport.com

5. Consider keeping old credit accounts open to increase your credit history length

6. Work with creditors to set up payment plans, if you're struggling to make payments

7. Consider getting a secured credit card to build credit if you have no credit history

a. These cards usually require a security deposit upfront

8. Piggyback on someone else’s credit card account, with a better credit score and longer credit history, by becoming a secondary user on their account

A credit score is one of the most important factors in determining your future financial health, so take care of it. Remember, it takes a lot longer to build up your credit score than it does to tear it down.

Eating Disorders in Adolescence – Know the Signs!

Fri, 14 Jul 2023 23:32:54 GMT

Kids receive many messages from social media, their friends and sometimes family members about how they should look and how much they should eat and weigh. Critical comments may cause a child to start dieting, and dieting is common among children and teens with eating disorders.

Losing a large amount of weight is often what comes to mind when talking about eating disorders , but gaining weight can be a red flag as well. A change in a child’s behavior involving food, eating or exercise should also raise concerns.

Eating disorders are extremely concerning medical diseases, especially because behaviors associated with these disorders can lead to abnormal heart rhythms or unstable vital signs. Though these behaviors usually begin as a way to cope with psychological distress, binge eating, food restricting, purging (removing food from one’s body) and other eating-disordered behaviors can have serious physical effects. Anorexia, which is associated with weight loss and/or low body weight related to these behaviors, has the highest rate of death of any psychiatric disorder.

Those who see a child every day – parents, friends, teachers, etc. – may be the first to notice concerning behaviors related to their eating. That is why we think it’s so important to have a general understanding of eating disorders, how behavior may be affected and how to get help if needed.

Types of behaviors you might see in boys and girls that have eating disorders

Eating disorders are most common among adolescent girls, but are increasingly diagnosed at younger ages and among boys too. Evidence supports a genetic contribution to their development; however society’s focus on thinness as an ideal also influences their risk. A strong focus on healthy eating, weight maintenance and exercise within a child’s family, peer group, school environment or sports team may also contribute to the development of an eating disorder. They appear to run in families and often co-occur with depression and anxiety.

In addition to weight changes, unusual eating patterns or rules – like a child insisting on eating only “healthy” foods – are associated with eating disorders. The following behaviors can also be signals for concern for specific eating disorders common among children and teens.

Anorexia is characterized by a significant weight loss or a child’s failure to make expected weight gains as they age, most frequently due to restricting food intake. A distorted body image and intense fear of gaining weight are also included in the criteria for diagnosis.

Anorexia may be associated with purging behaviors such as:

Exercising excessively (spending hours in the gym, secretly performing jumping jacks or sit ups, etc.)
Self-induced vomiting
Abusing diet or weight-loss pills, laxatives or diuretics (pills that increase urine output)

A child may become obsessed with diets, recipes and calories, and may insist on cooking everything themselves so they know exactly what is in their food, but then eat very little. Hiding their bodies and wearing oversized clothes to conceal weight loss is common.

Binge eating is defined by episodes of disordered eating, specifically eating large amounts even when not hungry, and feeling out of control of this eating. Binging episodes are often associated with guilt and shame, but not efforts to prevent weight gain. Binge eating disorder is diagnosed when the out-of-control eating episodes are occurring at least weekly over a three-month period. A child will often eat in secret with disappearing groceries, empty wrappers or stockpiles of food in their rooms or backpacks as evidence.

Bulimia is diagnosed when the binge-eating episodes are followed by purging behaviors without a significant weight loss. Signs of purging behaviors include a child going to the bathroom immediately after meals and hoarding or hiding laxatives, diet pills or diuretics. Both binge eating and bulimia are associated with high body weight.

In general, it’s not uncommon for a child’s social media activities to alert parents and friends to possible eating concerns. Teens may follow “Ana-Mia” websites, which are pro-anorexia and pro-bulimia websites. These sites encourage weight loss, food restricting and purging behaviors. (Ana is a reference to anorexia; Mia to bulimia.) Teens may also use their own social media sites to brag about these behaviors. Often, a friend may contact a child’s parents to express their concerns about weight loss and eating behaviors after seeing this type of online activity.

Concerning complications associated with eating disorders

Eating disorders can have many serious effects on the body and prompt treatment is recommended to avoid complications.

The most concerning long-term consequences of food restricting disorders like anorexia are impaired bone and brain development. Adult women with histories of significant low body weights as teens have weaker bones and smaller brains. They also have a higher risk of infertility. In the short term, food-restricting disorders can result in malnutrition, dehydration, and low heart rate and blood pressure.

Purging behaviors are dangerous because they are associated with electrolyte imbalances (not having what the body needs for important functions). These imbalances can result in abnormal heart rhythms and actually stop the heart. Vomiting, a common purging behavior causes a loss of body fluids and these important electrolytes.

The high body weight (obesity) associated with binge-eating disorders carries increased risks of high blood pressure, joint problems and diabetes.

Behaviors associated with eating disorders often change over time and often overlap, which can alter an individual’s risk of physical complications.

Steps for parents to take if you are concerned

Have an open, honest conversation: If you have a concern, an open, honest conversation with your child about food, weight and body image is the first step. To open the conversation, honestly communicate your concerns without anger or judgment.

Check-in with your pediatrician: Then, follow up with your child’s pediatrician for a full evaluation. They can check weight and growth compared to previous growth charts, perform a physical exam and other testing to help determine what level of care is appropriate, and connect your family with experienced treatment providers.

Enroll your child in a program: There are residential treatment centers for severe eating disorders requiring 24-hour care and supervision as well as partial hospital programs, where a patient attends individual and group therapy sessions during the day but returns home at night. Outpatient programs are available as well. Sometimes, if a child is experiencing dangerous complications, hospitalization is needed as a first step to correct electrolyte imbalances and monitor vital organ functions.

Eating disordered behaviors are ways to cope with stress, depression or anxiety, so psychotherapy focusing on replacing these behaviors with healthy coping skills is essential at every level of care. Programs typically involve appointments with a therapist and dietitian. Since eating disorders frequently co-exist with depression and/or anxiety, medications are often added to treat these problems and a psychiatrist may be involved if medications are prescribed.

Programs for eating disorders focus on restoring a healthy weight and beginning to establish normal eating patterns. Education about healthy eating and the complications of eating disorders begins here. Family therapy is typically part of these programs too. Empowering and educating parents about how to best support their child’s eating patterns and related healthy habits is often a primary focus.

Kids do recover from eating disorders and go on to thrive and have happy, successful lives. Knowing the signs and getting help promptly can make all the difference for a child struggling with these issues.

- Dr. Susan Jones , child and adolescent psychiatrist

How to Help Youth Aging out of Foster Care

Fri, 07 Jul 2023 22:03:36 GMT

There are over 400,000 children in foster care in the United States and each year 23,000 youth age out. Statistics show that after reaching the age of 18, 20% of foster youth will become instantly homeless, with 1 in 5 foster youth experiencing homelessness within two years of aging out. 1 in 2 foster youth who age out of the system will have some form of gainful employment by the age of 24, 70% of females will become pregnant before age 21, and only 690 will become college graduates. How is this possible with all of the supports and services available to foster youth? Well, this is true, there are supports and services set in place for foster youth, while they are in care. Post foster care, those supports and services decrease and the most significant is housing. Many states and counties do not have the resources available to aid the number of youth who exit out of foster care each year such as transitional housing programs or low income housing programs that foster youth could utilize. Many foster youth, do not have an option to return to their biological families or homes and they don’t often have extended family or friends able or willing to provide such support. Youth looking for a stable home face a myriad of challenges—establishing credit, security deposits, turning on utilities, purchasing furnishings, and securing food.

Additionally, foster youth are faced with other challenges that create barriers for their continued success. For example, if they find a job they have to manage transportation, and other work related costs while learning life lessons associated with working—lunch money, work clothes/uniforms, understanding workplace etiquette, and learning how to build meaningful relationships.

In California, Assembly Bill 12-California’s Extended Foster Care (EFC) Program, allows eligible youth in the child welfare and probation systems to remain in foster care until age 21. Youth may leave extended foster care and later choose to re-enter the program up to age 21. To remain eligible for EFC, youth must meet at least one of five participation criteria. This has been a great asset to the foster care system but more has to be done to provide affordable housing and/or accommodations to foster youth, who do not have anywhere to go post emancipation.

So as a foster parent or as a supporter of foster youth, how can you help? For starters, if you are a foster parent or would like to become one, make a decision to work with foster youth who are close to aging out or who have aged out (non-minor dependents) and provide them continued placement while they participate in the AB 12 program or the equivalent in other states. Having a stable living environment will keep the youth from becoming homeless, will allow them a better opportunity to gain employment, enroll in college or a trade, and reduce their involvement with substances, gang affiliation, and/or illegal activity. Non-minor dependents are more independent and do not need constant supervision, but rather require more guidance, more support, and more encouragement to succeed.

According to the post “Actions of Impact: How to Help Former Foster Youth Aging Out of Care” (Walden Family Services, www.waldenfamily.org , June 18, 2021), in very simple and practical ways, you can help a former foster youth transition into adulthood safely, improving their chances of achieving longtime success.

10 Ways to Support and Impact the Lives of Former Foster Youth

1. Mentor. Contact a local foster agency and volunteer to help mentor a teen. This is a great way to be a caring adult in a teen’s life.

2. Teach financial skills. Offer to teach financial literacy to teens, making sure they know how to open a bank account, manage a budget, and learn financial maturity.

3. Donate. Often, teens looking to start work lack professional or work attire. Donating clothes or gift cards to buy work clothes can help them get enter and stay in the workforce. Monetary, In-Kind, or Gift Card donations can be of great help to a foster youth for groceries, gas, food, daily living necessities.

4. Offer College/financial aid help. Many teens may not know how to file for financial aid, or even apply to college—offer to help them with deadlines, reading submission essays, and sending out applications.

5. Hire a foster teen. If you own your own business, hiring a current or former foster teen can provide great help to them financially, as well as give them the opportunity to learn marketable skills.

6. Teach food literacy. Take a youth grocery shopping with you, teaching them how to read labels, and then teach them how to cook a healthy meal.

7. Donate furniture and household goods. Contact local foster care agencies to donate items of need.

8. Donate school supplies or create a book fund. Former foster youth entering school will need books and supplies, offer to help.

9. Help with transportation. Transportation is often a big hurdle for young adults striving to work and/or go to school. Offer to help drive them or give them bus tokens.

10. Be present, be a friend. Often former foster youth need a consistent, loving adult in their lives to provide emotional support. Your presence will help them regain trust in others, as well as help them learn how to build meaningful relationships.

We know the statistics are rough to hear and face. However, imagine the life our former foster youth are facing daily. Your willingness to be present and be a support will create change for even one youth in your community and that is one life saved.

Parenting Tips-June

Thu, 29 Jun 2023 17:53:27 GMT

Hello Parents!

For the month of June, we will continue to focus on the parenting of teens. This month, we are providing tips on speaking to your teens about the dangers of cannabis usage. This information is for all parents, regardless of being a foster parent.

If you have a teenager, now’s a good time to talk to them about cannabis use and the risks. Talking with your child about cannabis use at a young age is one of the best ways that you can help to prevent early experimentation.

You Can Help Guide Your Teen

It’s crucial that parents and guardians know how to discuss cannabis use with their teens and tweens. It can be a challenging topic, but research shows that you can significantly influence your child’s decision to use drugs. The information below is designed to provide you with the facts, science, and tools you need to have thoughtful, productive, and effective conversations with your teen about cannabis.

Teens Are Getting Mixed Signals About the Risks of Cannabis Use

Conflicting information about cannabis makes it difficult for teens to know how much of a risk it truly is. Many teens learn about cannabis through social media where “influencers”—and the cannabis industry—advertise it as having health benefits. Teens might be aware that adult use is legalized in many states. Cannabis is also seen as being a way to cope with stress. At the same time, many teens receive messages that demonize cannabis. So, what are they supposed to think? This inconsistency makes it hard for them to evaluate the risks and consequences of cannabis use. According to a 2020 Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration report, about 1in 10 adolescents, ages 12 to 17, have used cannabis within the past year.

In California, Many Teens Don't Think Cannabis Is Dangerous

• 16% of 11th graders are current cannabis users.

• Cannabis use is more common than either binge drinking or smoking.

THE RISKS

Substances like cannabis can negatively affect the teen body in many ways. Research shows that cannabis may:

• Impair learning, memory, attention, decision-making, and motivation, which can affect school performance

• Increase the risk of chronic cough, bronchitis, and asthma severity

• Increase the risk of schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders in adulthood, with the highest risk among those who begin using at a young age, especially among individuals who may already be at risk because of genetics

YOUR INFLUENCE

It might be hard to believe at times, but research shows that parents/guardians are the number one influence on your child’s behavior. What you say and do matters. If you avoid having conversations about cannabis, your teen might think the topic is off limits. It’s better to let your teen know they can openly discuss it with you. That way they’ll receive the necessary information to make healthy decisions. In fact, talking with your child about cannabis use at a young age is one of the best ways that you can help prevent early experimentation.

What You Can Do

• Educate yourself on the risks of underage cannabis use.

• Start the conversation early on, and talk often about making safe and healthy choices.

• Model healthy and safe behaviors.

• Provide and discuss ways to say no to cannabis.

• Set boundaries by enforcing consistent rules.

• Ensure your teen knows you disapprove of underage cannabis use.

Credit Management 101

Fri, 16 Jun 2023 00:51:53 GMT

Credit management refers to the process of monitoring and controlling credit usage, including borrowing and repayment, and it is an important aspect of personal finance. Effective credit management involves being responsible with credit card usage, paying bills on time, and managing debt, and it is crucial for maintaining good financial health and a good credit score.

If a financially healthy future is something that you want, then you need to care about credit management! One of the primary reasons credit management is important is that it can affect your ability to obtain credit in the future. Creditors and lenders use credit scores to determine creditworthiness, and a poor credit score can make it difficult to secure loans or credit cards. Additionally, poor credit management can lead to high levels of debt and financial stress.

To manage credit effectively, it is important to create a budget and stick to it, avoid unnecessary spending, and pay bills on time. You should also consider credit utilization, which is the percentage of available credit that you are using. It is recommended to keep credit utilization below 30% to maintain a good credit score.

Credit reporting agencies, such as Equifax, Experian, and TransUnion, are responsible for collecting and maintaining credit information. They generate credit reports that include information about your credit history, including payment history and outstanding debt. Monitoring credit reports and scores is an essential part of credit management, as it allows you to identify any errors or fraudulent activity and take steps to address them.

Luckily, federal law requires each of these three nationwide consumer credit reporting companies to give you a free credit report every 12 months, if you ask for it. They also make it easy to accomplish many credit-related tasks right from your computer. You can request your free credit report from https://www.annualcreditreport.com . Note: you can get a free report form each of the three companies, so you can get all three at once, or stagger them throughout the year so you get free credit reports more often.

In summary, credit management is crucial for maintaining good financial health, and it involves monitoring credit usage and understanding credit scores. Credit reporting agencies play a crucial role in credit management, as they provide credit reports that help you monitor your credit history.

Fun Summer Time Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner Ideas!!

Thu, 08 Jun 2023 19:00:33 GMT

With summer right around the corner, you will soon be left with making the decision on what will be served for breakfast, lunch and dinner during summer break! When it's 100 degrees out literally the last thing you want to do is cook! Do not worry we have compiled a list of not only tasty meal options, but healthy-easy prep dishes as well!

Healthy summer breakfasts are actually pretty easy to DIY, no matter how sweaty and sticky you're feeling and not to mention they are easier on your wallet when homemade!

Summertime lunches usually have to be quick and easy, especially if your kids are busy with swimming lessons, camp, and other summer activities. Keep fresh salads, vegetable sticks, and fruit in the fridge along with deli meats for sandwiches. And keep choices varied and interesting to keep the kids from becoming bored with hum-drum lunches. Instead of loaf bread, consider making wraps or sliders . A cold noodle salad is an excellent choice for active kids, and it can be made a day in advance!

Having no-oven dinner options are most appealing on a hot evening! Using the grill for meals, but also mixing in some lighter slow cooker or instant pot meals and some recipes that simply require little to no heat are great options for tasty yet weather friendly selections!

Consider these options below when the dooming triple degree heat waves surface in the central valley! Comment sharing your feedback on your favorite choices!

Breakfast Options:

1. Almond butter overnight oats

2. Cold cereal medley with fresh berries and chopped nuts

3. Cinnamon sugar toast with cottage cheese

4. Sweet and savory peach waffles

5. Cool green summer smoothie

Lunch Options:

1. Tex-Mex Taco Beef Sliders

2. Sloppy Joe Biscuit Cups

3. Luncheon Tuna Salad Recipe

4. Meatloaf Sliders

5. Baked Ham and Cheese Quesadilla

Dinner Options:

1. Grilled Rosemary Pork Chops w/ Grilled Nectarines

2. Grilled Honey Ginger Salmon

3. Grilled Coconut Shrimp w/ Lime

4. Southwestern Steak Salad

5. Slow Cooker Barbacoa Lettuce Wrap

Fostering and the Effects on your Biological Children

Fri, 02 Jun 2023 00:00:11 GMT

Fostering is not just a task completed by the parents, but is an entire family ordeal. The changes that can occur in the home from fostering effects everyone in the home, especially your biological children. When fostering the dynamics of your home and family are changed and there is a definite adjustment period for everyone. However, fostering can be a great experience for your biological children and can open them up to life experiences, they may not have otherwise had the opportunity to learn from. Here I will share some personal insight from Jessica Holt, author of blog post “Foster Care and my Biological Children” on what her biological children learned through foster care.

They learned unselfishness and an awareness of others. All of us are, by nature, selfish human beings. Kids especially. They are usually unaware of other family situations than their own. My kid’s eyes were opened to the world around them – good and bad – when we became a foster family. They learned about neglect, starvation, and pain. But they also learned about love and acceptance and giving in a whole new way.
They learned empathy and a whole lot of patience. Sounds silly, right? What parent doesn’t teach their kids compassion for others? Well, we did. But I believe the deeper empathy came when it was in their home and in their face every day. It’s one thing to talk about loving your neighbor as yourself. It is entirely another thing when this “neighbor” breaks your toys in a fit of rage because they miss their mommy and don’t understand her drug addiction. Or when they eat every meal to the point of sickness because they know what it is like to go hungry for days at a time, or when they want your attention every single second of the day because it was denied them all too often.
They learned about healthy boundaries. Boundaries are so important. We let our biological children know that they had personal boundaries that were okay to have. “I am in charge of my body” has always been a conversation in our home, and we continued to teach it to our foster kids. It’s also important for your kids to have their own space where they can go when they need a break.
They learned that family isn’t always blood. We were very open with our boys from the beginning about what foster care meant: that the kids coming into our home were their brothers and sisters for life. No matter how long they stayed. When I introduced our fosters to family and friends, I made it a point to say, “This is our newest son.” Not only did it make them feel welcome and accepted from the beginning, but it taught my own boys that they are family, forever.

Considerations Before Fostering

When you have your own biological children and are considering foster care, I strongly believe you need to have a solid family foundation. Foster care is not easy, and there are caseworker visits, and parent visits, and doctor visits, and lawyer visits, and temper tantrums, and nights with no sleep. You must learn about this new person in your home and how to parent them.

Having an awesome marriage partner is key, and making sure you are on the same page is vital. Open and honest communication about foster care with your biological children is also important. There will be days when your kids have had enough and want to be done. Open communication with them is necessary. Remind them that you are a team. When my kids had rough days, my husband and I made a point to take them out one-on-one for some much-needed alone time. I highly recommend this!

You also want to make sure that you choose an amazing foster agency. You do not have to go through your local Department of Human Services. I recommend, if possible, a smaller agency where they know you and your family and will fight with and for you. I cannot stress this enough.

Holt, Jessica. “Foster Care and My Biological Children,” www.focusonthefamily.com , August 27, 2021.

So You're Ready To Buy A New Car?

Tue, 30 May 2023 23:03:08 GMT

Congratulations on the decision to purchase a new car! Before you buy, it's important to do your research and consider your budget.

Here are some helpful tips that can help you make an informed decision on your new car purchase:

Establish a budget - Before you start shopping for a car, it's important to determine what you can afford. Think about how much you can comfortably pay for a car each month. Consider all your other expenses, such as insurance, gas, registration and maintenance costs.
Research cars - Once you have your budget in mind, start researching cars that fit your needs. Consider how much space you need, how much power you want, and the type of features you want. Compare different models and read reviews to get a good idea of what car may be best for you.
Kelley Blue Book ( www.kbb.com ) is a great resource for researching cars.
Shop around - Once you have an idea of the type of car you want, start looking at multiple dealerships. Take advantage of online tools to compare prices and look for special offers or discounts. Don’t be afraid to negotiate to get the best deal possible.
Some good comparison sites are True Car ( www.truecar.com ) and Edmunds ( www.edmunds.com ).
Get an inspection - If you’re buying a used car, it’s a good idea to get an independent inspection from a qualified mechanic. This can help you identify any potential problems with the car and help you make an informed decision.
Financing - If you’re financing your car, shop around for the best rates and terms. Check your credit score to make sure it’s accurate and look for financing options that fit your budget.

Purchasing a car can be an exciting experience, but it’s important to do your research and make sure you’re getting the best deal possible. Following these tips can help make the process smoother and ensure that you get the car you want at the best price.

Processing Grief through Art Therapy

Thu, 25 May 2023 21:25:23 GMT

What does childhood grief look like?
Reactions we have during grief can be different with children. They are more likely to show their emotions through behaviors, not always with words.

How do you know if they grieve?
If a child is old enough to love, they are old enough to grieve. You may notice some behavioral responses. It depends on development and personality. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and reactions can change over time.

Some physical responses you may see include: changes in digestive system, fatigue, clinginess loss of appetite, and lack of concentration are a few of the common reactions. Children may want security, safety and reassurance.

How do parents handle their own grief?
See how you are reacting so you know how to normalize these experiences for your children. Be reliable, open, and welcoming of questions. If you don’t have an answer, it’s OK to say that.

Art therapy practice and purpose in grief support

Who can benefit from art therapy?
A child may gravitate to art, as their verbal expression may be limited, or developmental factors might complicate how they communicate. Creativity is natural. Creating without judgment can be therapeutic. Art can speak when words fail. Communication may result in insights. Art can open a conversation in a way that is safe. Making art itself can be soothing and calming and reduce stress.

How do you choose materials?
Art media in the form of drawing, painting or sculpting could be explored. We can encounter different reactions to materials. Sequence of tasks and level of energy for projects are considered.

How does art therapy help with grief?

Art provides the opportunity to tell story of loss. Through creating art, children can safely access, recognize and regulate emotions. It allows them to see and hold an intangible feeling. Children can express things they may not even realize they are feeling. Example: Drawing a bridge can be a powerful metaphor for change and transition. A nine-year-old child’s drawing of a bridge became a metaphor for his parental loss. This child’s bridge depicted a robbery. He described being fearful and having a loss of security. He finally made the connection that he felt robbed. Until he was able to sit down and draw his story, it was difficult for him to describe what he was feeling.
Art can be fun. Children can take pleasure in creating art; it’s important to reinforce play and creativity. Giving children permission to do this supports creative coping skills.
Solidifying memory through art about their person helps children feel connected to their loved one.
Many art exercises have an element of rebuilding. It’s a wonderful way for children to explore theme of healing through physically repairing a piece of art. Rebuilding a broken container or figure reinforces this concept. Often in rebuilding, children create something that is stronger than the original form. When children can successfully reconstruct something, they are internalizing that experience and recognizing they can transform and heal, too. It’s possible even with cracks or missing pieces.
Art can be a tangible record for what they have progressed through. They have something to reference in terms of the transformation they have made. Change in color, style and form can happen and helps show progression. That can be affirming.
Art can be a great tool for communicating with others. It becomes a shared, meaningful experience. This provides opportunities to be present and talk with one another.
Art making allows us to be present with children. You are giving them the message that what they are doing is valuable. There is not a right or wrong way to create.

RESOURCES

Hope Healthcare Services: https://hopehcs.org/counseling/
Hope Healing Hearts: Grief Counseling: viewable here
American Art Therapy Association: https://arttherapy.org/
Art Therapy Credentials Board: https://www.atcb.org/
Art with Heart (therapeutic art-based curriculums for clinicians): https://artwithheart.org

National Foster Care Month

Sat, 20 May 2023 00:05:42 GMT

What is National Foster Care Month?

National Foster Care Month is observed in the United States during the month of May every year. It began with President Ronald Reagan in 1988. Since 1988, National Foster Care Month continues to be recognized and celebrated. (Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia).

National Foster Care Month is a time to acknowledge the 463,000 children and youth placed in foster care in the United States and the family members, foster parents, volunteers, mentors, child welfare professionals, and policymakers who ensure there are laws, regulations, and policies in place to keep them safe and who advocate and help them find permanent homes and connections.

President Joe Biden shared in his proclamation on National Foster Care Month, 2023, that this month, we honor the absolute courage of young people in foster care, who too often endure challenges that no child should ever have to confront, and we give thanks to the dedicated kinship and foster parents who care for them during their times of greatest need. We recognize the biological parents and families of foster children who work hard to overcome difficult circumstances so they can safely reunite with their children. We also rededicate ourselves to supporting the volunteers and professionals who help America’s foster youth find temporary and permanent homes. One of my great privileges during my career in public service has been meeting some of the remarkable young people in foster care and their foster parents. I have seen what good foster care can do. Despite the challenges that no young person should ever have to face, loving foster families can help children become independent, confident, successful members of society and can be a critical resource to children and families in times of need. Ensuring that children who are separated from their families are placed in loving and supportive environments, while ensuring that as many families as possible have the resources they need to remain safely together. It is a moral duty we all share and an investment in America’s future that will pay dividends for generations to come. (President Joe Biden, Jr, “A Proclamation on National Foster Care Month, 2023” whitehouse.gov, April 28, 2023, https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/presidential-actions/2023/04/28/a-proclamation-on-national-foster-care-month-2023/ ).

How Can You Participate in National Foster Care Month?

Participating in National Foster Care Month is a great start to supporting foster children/youth and those who provide care to these children; however, supporting foster care and foster children can occur year round. Support can be given in any of the following ways:

Becoming a Foster Parent, Adoptive Parent, or Kinship Parent.
Bringing awareness to Foster Care by supporting important measures, bills, and
other governmental proposals that positively affect foster care and foster youth.
Donating to Foster Care Organizations, Foster Family Agencies, and/or Foster Care Advocacies.
Organizing Fundraisers, Drives, Sponsorships or Donations benefitting foster youth.
Volunteering at Foster Care Organizations, Foster Family Agencies, etc.
Becoming a Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA).
Following and Promoting Foster Care through social media and word of mouth.

Staying Cool & Hydrated

Thu, 18 May 2023 20:05:26 GMT

With summer months approaching, we wanted to discuss heat events and how to stay cool during the scorching valley heat conditions. The heat can be brutal. This year will be no exception. There are heat advisories across the US already and it looks like it is going to be a very hot summer across the globe. An extreme heat event is a series of hot days, much hotter than average for a particular time and place. Extreme heat is deadly and kills more people than any other weather event. Climate change is making extreme heat events more frequent, more severe, and last longer. However, we can take action to prepare. Prepare now to protect yourself and your kiddos.

You need to drink enough water to prevent heat illness. An average person needs to drink about 3/4 of a gallon of water daily. Everyone’s needs may vary.

You can check that you are getting enough water
Avoid sugary, caffeinated, and alcoholic drinks
If you are sweating a lot, combine water with snacks or a sports drink to replace the salt and minerals you lose in sweat
Do not rely only on electric fans during extreme heat. When temperatures are in the high 90s or triple digits, fans may not prevent heat-related illness. Taking a cool shower or bath or moving to an air-conditioned place is a much better way to cool off
If there is a power outage, find locations where you can stay cool. For example, a public library, shopping mall, or a public cooling center. Plan how you will get there
Make sure you have plenty of lightweight, loose clothing to wear

How to beat the heat with kids

Summertime is one of the best times to be outside and active with your kids. Beautiful sunshine, no school, and many things to do make summer the perfect time to get out and explore, all day long. Of course, we want you to get outside, but we also want to keep you and your kiddos safe! We are excited to share some of our favorite ways to beat the summer heat with kids, keep cool and make the most of your long summer days!

Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate (cold water or sports drinks)
Eat cold/frozen foods (popsicles, frozen fruit, smoothies, salads)
Stay in the shade (go into the woods)
Avoid peak heat hours (11:00 am – 2:00 pm)
Dress accordingly (light, loose, airy clothing)
Get wet! (pools, creeks, lakes, sprinklers-with water safety in mind!)
Cool you hot zones (the areas of your body that get hot quicker)
Make the most of early morning and evening hours when it’s cooler
Know what the signs of heat rash, heat exhaustion, and heat stroke are

Enjoy the upcoming summer days and remember to stay cool and safe!

Parenting Tips-May

Thu, 04 May 2023 23:27:53 GMT

Hello Parents!

For the month of May, we will be providing tips on connecting with your teenage placements.

If you are a fostering a teenager , it is very important that you are able to connect with them. This is part of creating a positive experience for both of you, and it helps the two of you to grow a strong bond. Thankfully, there are specific things that you can do to connect with your teenager.

Here are some great ways to connect with your teenager in foster care.

1) Spend Quality Time With Them

One of the most important ways that you can connect with your teenager in foster care is to spend quality time with them. This time can be spent doing things that the two of you enjoy doing together. This may be playing a sport, a game, drawing, shopping, or anything that allows the two of you to spend time together talking and growing closer.

2) Praise Them

One thing that your foster child likely has not received a lot of in their life is praise, so taking the time to praise them is very important. You can praise them whenever they do something good, such as cleaning their room, helping around the house, doing well in school, helping with siblings, etc. Praising them lets them know that you are proud of them and the things that they are doing. This helps the two of you to connect because you show them that you love and appreciate what they do.

3) Connect Emotionally

It is very important that the two of you are able to connect emotionally. A great way to build an emotional connection is through physical touch. This means giving your teenager hugs, holding their hand, squeezing their hand, or otherwise showing them that you are there for them and care for them.

4) Gift Your Foster Child

Gifting is a love language used to create a bond between the foster child and the parent. First, get to know what they like and gift them something with a meaning to show you are paying attention and you mind them. You can also do surprise gifts like sticking a card in their backpacks or have it waiting in their room.

5) Love the Foster Child Even at the Worst

Some teenagers have experienced traumas in their early life, so anything may trigger their memories. Sometimes the child can be so hard to understand that you feel like giving it all up. However, this is the best time to show them love even when they do not reciprocate.

Bottom Line

If you have decided to become a foster parent, you need to have a lot of patience when dealing with your foster kid, especially teenagers. Some of these kids have many childhood traumas, and anything can trigger the memories. Show them love even when you don’t feel like they aren’t showing you an equal measure of love.

Is Your Child Purposely Urinating on the Floor?

Fri, 21 Apr 2023 17:22:00 GMT

So your child walks into the living room and urinates on the floor right in front you! You may feel you are the parent of a new puppy than the parent of a petite person. It’s going to be okay—this is far more common than you might think, and there’s no need to worry right away. Every child is different, but most begin to potty train as toddlers and they generally have daytime bladder control by about 4 years old. When a child begins to intentionally urinate on the floors, there may be physical or psychological issues; however, most the time it is a cry for attention or a form of revenge. As upsetting as this may be, there is usually an issue that can be addressed and resolved.

First, let’s take a look at some of the physical reasons a child might have wetting accidents. These include voiding dysfunction (the child is not able to store urine appropriately or completely empty the bladder), constipation, urinary urgency or a urinary tract infection. Secondly, there could be psychological factors like stress, being so engrossed in their activities they don’t realize they “need to go” or a regression due to ADHD, ADD, anxiety or Autism. Trauma is another trigger for peeing on the floor, and sometimes what seems intentional might be caused by an underlying issue. You, as a parent, need to identify the problem and provide a remedy rather than using punishment.

Urinating in unusual places can be linked to ADHD. Not all children with ADHD have bladder control issues, but some do.

The wetting can be on purpose or accidental. When a child deliberately urinates where they shouldn’t, it might be attention-seeking behavior. It could also be defiance associated with ODD or conduct disorder, conditions that sometimes occur with ADHD.

Usually, peeing on themselves is not done on purpose. Children with ADHD have accidents for various reasons, like sensory overload or executive function issues.

Just as children will do things like drawing on your walls or breaking your favorite vase when seeking attention—even negative attention—some children will resort to using their body fluids to get noticed. This is often the case when a new sibling arrives or when there has been a big disruption to your home. Kids thrive on stability, and as adults we may not notice that even very small changes can be a big deal to our little ones. Your child may be feeling stressed about changes in their routine, a new pet in the household, a new school or teacher, or even parents working longer than usual hours. Take a look at your schedule, and see where you can make more one on one time with your child and try to minimize the stress as much as possible. Increase the attention level, but not just when the peeing behavior takes place. These incidences should be handled as calmly as possible and without making a big deal of it, because your child is counting on getting an angry reaction. Spend quality time with your child doing fun activities, and be fully present and engaged whenever you are together. If attention seeking is the root cause, then this should address the behavior.

Shared from:

https://www.childrens.com/health-wellness/featured-content

https://psychcentral.com/adhd/child-intentionally-urinating-on-floor-adhd#intentional

I’m a Foster Parent, Now What?

Thu, 13 Apr 2023 22:49:20 GMT

How to Prepare for your First Placement

Well you did it! You completed the application, you took the trainings, did the interviews. You are an approved and certified foster parent, now what? It can be highly assumed that you have many questions about what to expect and how you prepare.

What do I need to have?

What should I be prepared for?

What will they be like?

Will they like our home, our food, us?

Because every situation and child are different, it is difficult to fully answer each of the questions above and the others you may have. However, despite the unknown, there are ways to prepare.

1. Be Flexible:

Upon receiving a child into your care, there will a lot of sudden changes to schedule, dynamic of the home and family. Be flexible. Be flexible with the house as a whole, with your spouse, with your children, with your foster children, and with yourself. This is a learning experience for everyone and it will take time and patience to adjust to the new changes. Upon receiving a child for placement, keep your schedule open and flexible for new and sudden appointments the child may have or just to be home with them as needed. Being removed from your family and placed in a home with strangers is a lot for a child to understand and process, so it’s okay if they don’t want to go to school the next day or two, and it’s okay if they want to stay in their room or in bed. Give them some space to adjust and take that time for yourself to prepare on how you can help them be a part of your home and your family. Don’t expect for the morning routine to go without any hiccups, when you have just received a child into placement the day before. Time is definitely needed.

2. Be Open Minded With Expectations:

Be open minded when it comes to expectations. Expectations are a good to have, but maybe not so much right in the beginning. Keep an open mind that the child you now have in your home may have very well likely come from a home where structure was scarce if not non-existent. So having an expectation that they will know “what” to-do or “what” not-to-do or what is right or wrong, or okay or not okay, may leave you feeling very frustrated if you are not being open minded or at least understanding. As mentioned above, the child may have a difficult time adjust to foster care and your home, so those plans you had for the weekend, may have to be adjusted. Maybe a day at the park or the zoo sounds like something every child would love; however, for a child who is grieving, it may be a little too overwhelming for them. So plan a weekend to stay in, watch some movies, order pizza, make some sundaes, and allow them to decide what they are able to participate in that weekend. Overall, with being flexible and being open minded, one must be patient. Things can take longer than you expected, but patience and dedication, build trust.

3. Remember Your Village:

If you have been following along with my other blogs, in my January blog, "Is Being a Foster Parent a Good Fit for me?", you should remember my entry about “your village”. This is the point that you activate your phone tree and start calling in your village. Maybe it is for clothes, diapers, toys, books. Maybe you need help with transportation, childcare, dinners. Maybe you know someone who is the same ethnicity as your child, who can help you with cooking food they like, helping with their hair care, or hygiene, or language. Check with your agency to see if they have a foster parent support group, a social media support group page, seek groups relating to foster parenting or fostering within your community. Reaching out to groups, friends or family before getting a child, could be helpful as well. People may be eager to help in any way possible, like donating hygiene products, clothes, and toys, gift cards for gas or groceries or restaurants, which can all come in very handy in the beginning. Asking and accepting help is part of the fostering journey and builds a sense of community for the child. Remember…it takes a village.

4. Remember Your Training:

If it is one thing you did a lot of, it was training, and for great reason…so you would feel prepared. So reflect back to it, re-explore what you learned. After having your child for three months, retake some of those same trainings, as you will have some internal knowledge and experience and will have a different outlook on its teachings. Take additional trainings that are related to some experiences or behaviors your child has been exposed to or is displaying to better meet them where they are at and help them work through their trauma in a healthy and effective manner.

5. Just Breathe

It’s impossible to be fully prepared for what you will experience with your child or the process in general, but hopefully these tips will minimize the stressors and chaos. If not for all of you, then at least for the child. In the end, just breathe, you will be great. It’s okay if it’s all not perfect, as long as it’s safe, as long as it’s stable, as long as it’s happy. Just Breathe.

Budgeting Tips

Thu, 06 Apr 2023 20:23:09 GMT

Budgeting is an important tool for financial success. Creating a budget and sticking to it can help you reach your financial goals, whether you are saving for a big purchase, paying off debt, or just getting a better handle on your finances. To get started, the first step is to figure out exactly where your money is going each month. Track all of your expenses, from the small daily purchases to the big, one-time expenses, to get an accurate picture of your financial situation. Once you have a clear idea of where your money is going, you can start setting realistic goals and creating a budget that works for you.

When creating your budget, start by listing all of your fixed expenses, such as rent, utilities, and insurance. Then, list your variable expenses, such as groceries, entertainment, and transportation. Make sure you are accounting for any irregular expenses, such as car maintenance, holidays, or birthdays. Finally, set aside a portion of your income for savings.

Once your budget is created, it is important to stick to it. Consider budgeting apps or online tools to help you stay organized and on track. In addition, it is a good idea to review your budget every month or quarter to make sure it is still working for you. Finally, remember to be flexible with your budget. You can make adjustments as needed to account for changes in your income or expenses.

By creating a budget and tracking your expenses, you will have a better understanding of your financial situation and you will be able to make smarter money decisions.

Here are some free apps/programs to help you on your budgeting journey:

Google Sheet s - This a free web-based spreadsheet program. Gmail account users can access a variety of free budgeting templates to help get you started.

Mint – This is a free smartphone app by Intuit that can shows your income, expenses, savings goals, credit score, investments, net worth, and more. However, you will have to link your bank accounts and credit cards to the app.

Goodbudget – This is a smartphone app, with a web-based version as well, and it is geared for beginners. The app budgets using the “envelope” method where money is placed into envelopes, with a different envelope for each budget category. You get your first 20 “envelopes” free, but then have to pay if you need additional “envelopes.”

Get to Moving!

Thu, 23 Mar 2023 20:05:24 GMT

Gone are the days of children playing until the streetlights come on and neighborhoods being compacted with kids riding on bikes, skates and scooters? Today these physical activities seemingly have been replaced with PS5 consoles, Tik-Tok videos and a plethora of other gaming systems and online sites! As parents, have we really lost the war against the digital world? Have we become defenseless to the “clicks” and “likes” of the 21 ^st century? Before you are stricken by anxiety let us think about incorporating the following tips to get your children out of the digital universe and back to reality!

Adventurebooks.com suggests that parents incorporate the following to get our kids off the electronics and encourage physical movement and interactions:

Start a family log!
Set a time limit!
Require coupons for media use!
Don’t use “phone time” as a reward!
Use parental control settings!
Don’t use electronics as a distraction!
Start a long-term project!
Have gadget-free times!
Have gadget-free days!
Get crafty!
Spend family time together!
Spend time online together!
Set a good example and be firm!
And of course, Go Outside!!!

The recommended amount of physical activity by the Department of Health and Human Services is that children and adolescents ages 6 through 17 years do 60 minutes (1 hour) or more of moderate-to-vigorous physical activity daily . This can be achieved through a combination of aerobics, muscle strengthening and bone strengthening activity.

Remember, the CDC suggestions to make physical activity part of your family’s daily routine by taking family walks or playing active games together, give your children equipment that encourages physical activity, and take young people to places where they can be active, such as public parks, community baseball fields, or basketball courts. The more effort we make as parents to encourage physical activity the greater chance we have at normalizing physical activity and disabling the overrun of the digital world!

Feelings Journal for Kids

Thu, 16 Mar 2023 23:57:04 GMT

Identifying and dealing with feelings can be challenging at any age. No matter your age, keeping a journal is a great way to think deeply about your feelings. The benefits for kids go even further, since journaling improves literacy and strengthens reading comprehension, creativity, and spelling skills.

As soon as your child is able to write freely without having to stop and sound out each word, they are ready to journal. Even young kids can work on simple journaling skills with a parent, which might help them, identify emotions and think creatively. Here are a few tips to get started:

Encourage kids to write fluently by reminding them that correct spellings are not important when journaling.
Provide daily prompts to encourage children to focus on one area to expand upon in their writing.
Let your child choose their own journal at the store; this is a special workbook and they should feel ownership over it.
Many journals made especially for kids have their own questions, prompts, and diagrams printed inside to develop their creative juices.
Make journaling time an exercise in self-care rather than anther homework task by letting your child draw boundaries around when and how much they want to write.

Some children find it hard to get started. The first step is to give the feeling a name. Next, identify what part of the body the feeling is affecting. Then realize when this feeling is experienced. Is it during school or a holiday event? Once realized, it is important to accept the feelings and think of the message the feeling is trying to communicate. From, there you can add more activities.

* And remember, if your child is using their journal as a diary, it's important to give them an expectation of privacy!)

(Blog derived from Fionna Tapp at Parent Magazine)

New Foster Parent Tips-March 2023

Thu, 09 Mar 2023 19:26:38 GMT

Hello Parents!

For the month of March, we will cover Foster Children Bill of Rights. All children placed in foster care have rights, called Personal Rights, which cannot be violated. Any violations of these rights may trigger an investigation by Community Care Licensing (CCL). As a new parent, it is vital that you become familiar with these rights!

Foster children have the right:

To live in a safe, healthy, and comfortable home where they are treated with respect;
To be free from physical, sexual, emotional, or other abuse, or corporal punishment;
Not to be subject to police custody or arrest for ‘normal’ domestic disturbances;
To receive adequate and healthy food, adequate clothing, and, for children in group homes, an adequate allowance;
To receive timely, high quality medical, dental, vision, and mental health services;
To be free of forced use of medication or chemical substances, unless authorized by a licensed physician;
To freely contact family members, unless prohibited by court order:
To freely contact social workers, attorneys, foster youth advocates and supporters, Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA), and probation officers;
To visit and contact brothers and sisters, unless prohibited by court order;
To contact the Community Care Licensing Division of the State Department of Social Services or the State Foster Care Ombudsperson regarding violations of rights, to speak to representatives of these offices confidentially, and to be free from threats or punishment for requesting this access or making complaints;
To make and receive confidential telephone calls and send and receive unopened mail, unless prohibited by court order;
To attend religious services and activities of their choice;
To maintain an emancipation bank account and manage personal income, consistent with the child’s age and developmental level, unless prohibited by the case plan;
Not to be locked in any room, building, or facility premises, unless placed in a community treatment facility;
To attend school and participate in extracurricular, cultural, and personal enrichment activities, consistent with the child’s age and developmental level;
To work and develop job skills at an age-appropriate level that is consistent with state law;
To have social contacts with people outside of the foster care system, such as teachers, church members, mentors, and friends;
To attend Independent Living Program classes and activities beginning when they meet age requirements;
To attend their own court hearings and speak to the judge;
To have storage space for personal possessions;
To review their own case plan when they reach 12 years of age and to receive information about their out-of-home placement and case plan, including being consulted on changes to the plan;
To be free from unreasonable searches of their persons or belongings;
To the confidentiality of all of their juvenile court records consistent with existing law;
To have fair and equal access to all available services, placement, care, treatment, and benefits, and not to be subjected to discrimination or harassment on the basis of actual or perceived race, ethnic group identification, ancestry, national origin, color, religion, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, mental or physical disability, or HIV status; and
Beginning at 16 years of age, to have access to existing information regarding the educational options available, including, but not limited to, the coursework necessary for vocational and postsecondary educational programs, and information regarding financial aid for postsecondary education.

Tips to Remember When Filing Your Taxes This year

Fri, 03 Mar 2023 00:43:40 GMT

Tax season can be a stressful time for many, as it is important to get your taxes right to avoid any trouble with the IRS. To help you out this year, here are some valuable tax tips to remember:

1. Double check all of your information. Make sure all of your numbers are correct and that the information you’ve provided is accurate.

2. Take advantage of tax deductions. If you’re eligible, take advantage of tax deductions and credits to reduce your tax liability.

3. File on time. Make sure to file your taxes by the designated deadline. If you need more time, you can request an extension.

4. Keep records. Make sure to keep all of your receipts and other important documents for your records.

5. Consider hiring a tax professional. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the tax process, consider hiring a tax professional who can help you out.

Following these tips can help make tax season a little less stressful. Good luck, and happy filing!

Fostering vs. Adoption

Thu, 23 Feb 2023 18:06:49 GMT

Should I foster or should I adopt?

Fostering and adoption are not the same; however, they do have some similar features and processes.

Fostering in California means that a parent or parents would apply and complete the process for approval. These parents are opening their homes to provide temporary care to children ages 0-17 years and up to the age of 21 years in some cases.

Fostering is meeting the direct needs of the child to include, but not limited to; physical, developmental, cognitive, and educational. These needs include providing shelter, food, transportation, supervision, education assistance, advocacy, ensuring the medical, dental, and mental health needs of the child, financial assistance, and most importantly, love and care. A family can work with a foster child for a few days up to years before a child is reunified, placed in relative care, or transferred to a more permanent plan of placement. Fostering means you are part of the child’s treatment team and you work cooperatively with other child welfare professionals to ensure the foster child’s needs are being met and that they are receiving adequate services and supports to help them through their trauma and be successful in care.

Adoption is a legal process which permanently gives parental rights to adoptive parents. Adoption means taking a child into your home as a permanent family member. It means caring for and guiding children through their growing years and giving them the love and understanding they need to develop their full potential.

Some similarities and differences are:

Foster Care Foster-Adoption

Temporary Care (Days-Years) Permanent Care (Lifetime)

Care for youth 0-17 years Care for youth 0-17 years

No Legal Rights Assume Legal Rights

RFA Application Process RFA Application Process

Minimal Cost Minimal Cost

Monthly LOC* Reimbursement Monthly Negotiated AAP* Rate

(*Level of Care) (*Adoption Assistance Program)

Medical Coverage while in Care Continued Medical Coverage post adoption

In many cases, fostering can turn into an adoption case if the children are not reunified with their biological parents and services and parental rights are terminated. The foster family has developed a bond with the children and are often primarily considered for adoptive placement when and if that plan is implemented. So in the case of many of the families our agency works with, they often start out as foster parents and wind up adopting, whether that was their initial plan or not. However, it should be noted that the decision for any permanent plan of placement is decided by you, the foster parent. It is definitely never anything you are mandated to do or forced into. We have families who only foster and choose not to enter any long-term commitment and that is okay. We always need families of all sorts and in the end; every type of family is helping a child in need of a family, whether it be a few days or a lifetime.

Why Don't Our Children Talk About Bullying?

Thu, 16 Feb 2023 20:19:27 GMT

Statistics from the 2018 Indicators of School Crime and Safety report show that only 20% of school bullying incidents were reported, yet 49.8% of tweens (9 to 12 years old) said they experienced bullying at school and 14.5% of tweens shared they experienced bullying online. (Patchin & Hinduja, 2020)

Effects of Bullying

Why don't they speak up? StopBul l ying.gov reports that kids don’t tell adults for many reasons:

Bullying can make a child feel helpless. Kids may want to handle it on their own to feel in control again. They may fear being seen as weak or a tattletale.
Kids may fear backlash from the kid who bullied them.
Bullying can be a humiliating experience. Kids may not want adults to know what is being said about them, whether true or false. They may also fear that adults will judge them or punish them for being weak.
Kids who are bullied may already feel socially isolated. They may feel like no one cares or could understand.
Kids may fear being rejected by their peers. Friends can help protect kids from bullying, and kids can fear losing this support.

Research shows that being bullied can worsen feelings of isolation, rejection, exclusion, despair, depression and anxiety. This can be a contributing factor of suicidal behavior. Don't let your children suffer in silence. Learn to look for the signs of a child being bullied and get them to start talking. Be the hero that your kids need in this world.

What to look for:

Unexplained injuries
Trouble sleeping
Nightmares
Decreased self-esteem
Faking illness
Self-harm
Change in eating habits
Not wanting to go to school
Sudden loss of friends
Lost or destroyed belongings
Feeling sick

Talk openly and frequently to your children. The more you talk to your children about bullying, the more comfortable they will be telling you if they see or experience it. Check in with your children daily and ask about their time at school and their activities online, inquiring not only about their classes and activities, but also about their feelings.

5 Tips for Throwing a Super Bowl Party on a Budget

Thu, 09 Feb 2023 21:26:07 GMT

Who doesn’t love a good Super Bowl party? With food, drink, and football to enjoy there is something for everyone. With all of the fun options for a fun Super Bowl party out there, however, planning can quickly get out of hand, along with your budget.

Here are some tips to help you save money while you celebrate the big game!

Budget

It’s always important to make sure your weekend activities work with your budget. Super Bowl Sunday is no exception. Hosting a grill fest with brats, grilled wings and ribs for all sounds great, but will easily blow any budget.

Plan

Do you have enough room to serve planned food and drink for all of your guests? Are basic food and serving needs covered? Simply thinking about all of the logistics ahead of time will pay you back in peace of mind. Not having to make last minute trips to the store for anything helps your budget.

Party Potluck Style

Consider coordinating a menu with your friends, with each guest bringing a dish to share. Everyone will have something they like to eat, guaranteed, and the host will save money on food costs.

DIY It

Whatever you serve, don’t buy premade food items. Preparing the food yourself will always save you money. Remember to budget your time as well as your money, though. Football-themed appetizers and desserts look amazing, and it can be tempting to bring out your inner Martha Stewart – but unless you create food projects like this every week, keep it simple. Your friends will enjoy yummy party snacks, football shaped or not.

Add to the Fun for Free

Keep things going all afternoon: start a football pool, or quiz your friends with some friendly Super Bowl trivia. You can provide simple dollar store items as prizes, but everyone loves to earn bragging rights, and they won’t cost you a thing.

Got your game plan? Great! Now take a breath, keep it simple and enjoy the game. You’ll have a great party and your budget will thank you.

Parenting Tips- February 2023

Thu, 02 Feb 2023 18:57:06 GMT

Hello Parents!

This month, we will cover appropriate discipline tips.

Abuse, neglect, and trauma can lead to a variety of emotional and behavioral issues for children living in foster care. As a result, foster parents need to give careful consideration to the type of discipline they employ.

Many children in foster care have been exposed to domestic violence, physical abuse, or emotional abuse prior to being placed in foster care. To help them feel safe and secure in their foster homes, they need positive discipline that teaches them new skills. Many of them lack problem-solving skills, healthy coping skills, and emotion regulation skills—all of which can lead to misbehavior. So, create a behavior plan that will help your foster child learn the skills they need to reach their greatest potential.

Discipline Tips:

Know that the kids are doing their best. Your foster child will need your love and support as well as your guidance as they may test your limits and challenge your rules. Being prepared for how to handle conflict is key to foster parenting success.
Understand that due to past abuse and neglect, corporal punishment is never allowed with children in foster care. If a discipline method causes physical discomfort—such as spanking, going without a meal, withholding bathroom breaks, doing push-ups, or standing in the corner on tip-toes—it is not OK!
It's also vital to maintain your cool as a foster parent. Like all children, foster children may push limits, especially during times of stress like when they are first entering your home.
Remember that your job as a foster parent is to build an attachment with the foster child. Physical discipline undermines the bond that you are trying to create. Even more importantly, your foster child needs to feel safe and supported, physically and emotionally.
It’s important to choose your battles wisely. Focus on the most problematic behaviors first and be willing to ignore less serious behaviors—like interrupting or a lack of table manners—until you've got the big ones under control.
Provide plenty of positive attention . Spend one-on-one time together each day to build trust, which is an essential component of any healthy relationship. Have fun together and you’ll likely prevent a lot of attention-seeking behaviors.
Praise Good Behavior. Praise is a powerful tool that can reinforce good behavior. Catch your child being good and point out the specific behavior you appreciate. Whether they are playing quietly with blocks, using good manners, or following directions nicely, praising their efforts will give them an incentive to continue. Pointing out good behavior also helps them understand your expectations better.
Use “Grandma’s” Rule of Discipline. Grandma’s rule of discipline gives children in foster care a sense of control, which is critical for kids who have little control over most aspects of their lives. Grandma’s rule of discipline involves framing things as an incentive rather than pointing out the negative consequence . Rather than say, "No TV until you put your toys away," say, “When you finish putting your blocks away, you can watch TV.” That slight difference in the way you word your statement will show your child they have control over how and when they earn privileges.
It's also important to offer a couple of simple choices. Ask, "Do you want peas or carrots with chicken?" or "Do you want to do your math homework or clean your room first?" Allowing kids to assert themselves in simple, healthy ways can help them feel like they have some say in their life.
Use a younger child’s short attention span to your advantage. If they are banging their blocks together loudly and you want them to stop, invite them to help you put the dishes away. Similarly, if they are yelling because you said they can't go to the park, remind them of something you’re planning to do tomorrow. Redirection can avoid a lot of power struggles .
Offer Rewards! Reward systems can be very effective with children in foster care. A young child may do well with a sticker chart and an older child could benefit from an extra monetary reward. Invest time in learning what type of rewards will motivate your child.

Teen Depression

Thu, 19 Jan 2023 19:38:48 GMT

Every 100 minutes a teen takes their own life.
Suicide is the third-leading cause of death for young people ages 15 to 24.
About 20 percent of all teens experience depression before they reach adulthood.
Between 10 to 15 percent, suffer from symptoms at any one time.
Only 30 percent of depressed teens are being treated for it.

Some teens are more at risk for depression and suicide than others. These are known factors:

Female teens develop depression twice as often than males.
Abused and neglected teens are especially at risk.
Adolescents who suffer from chronic illnesses or other physical conditions are at risk.
Teens with a family history of depression or mental illness: between 20 to 50 percent of teens suffering from depression have a family member with depression or some other mental disorder.
Teens with untreated mental or substance-abuse problems: approximately two-thirds of teens with major depression also battle other mood disorders like dysthymia, anxiety, antisocial behaviors, or substance abuse.
Young people who experienced trauma or disruptions at home, including divorce and deaths of parents.

Picture young adult, lying in bed, covers pulled up over her head, curtains drawn making the room as dark as possible. The only thing you can hear are the sounds of talking and laughter down stairs, muffled by distance and a closed door; the sound stifled even by the darkness that envelopes the room. This image, this sadness is what one may picture when hearing the word "Depression.”

Unfortunately, because of this common imagery, depression in children and teens often goes undiagnosed because it does not usually fit this stereotypical mold. For children and teens, depression can take on any prolonged symptom or set of symptoms that could include any of the following:

· Crankiness or anger

· Continuous feelings of sadness and hopelessness

· Social withdrawal

· Being more sensitive to rejection

· Changes in appetite, either increased or decreased

· Changes in sleep (sleeplessness or excessive sleep)

· Vocal outbursts or crying

· Trouble concentrating

· Fatigue and low energy

· Physical complaints (such as stomachaches and headaches) that don't respond to treatment

· Trouble during events and activities at home or with friends, in school, during extracurricular activities, and with other hobbies or interests

· Feelings of worthlessness or guilt

· Impaired thinking or concentration

· Thoughts of death or suicide

There are many reasons why children and teens may experience depression, but the most important thing to remember is that it is not something that will pass on its own. The best help you can offer is to seek help from a professional so that the root causes of the depression can be addressed and healing can begin. Summer will be here before we know it, give your children the greatest chance at making positive lasting memories by intervening early!

***Any threat of suicide should be taken seriously. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger because of thoughts of suicide, please call 911 immediately.

If you think someone you love is struggling with the symptoms of depression , anxiety , bipolar disorder , self-harming behaviors , gender identity issues or an eating disorder, call Golden State Family Services Counseling and Wellness Center today at 559-241-0955 and we can help.

Is Being A Foster Parent A Good Fit For Me?

Thu, 12 Jan 2023 23:21:43 GMT

If you have considered becoming a foster parent, then you have probably asked yourself if it is a good fit for you. Is it something you can do, maybe questioning if you have the time and ability to provide what these children need. This article we will cover some of those questions and hopefully provide you with ideas of how to meet any challenges with a solution, so that fostering can be a good fit for you and your family.

Ask Yourself:

1. Do I have a support system? Many of us are familiar with the old proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child”. The other part of that proverb, is my favorite part because of how it relates to foster care and the child in it. “A child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth”. Children who slip through the cracks of the system, will continue to suffer the trauma they have experienced until one day, the fire is set. But a child embraced by a village will prosper in its warmth of love and support. What’s your village like? Who’s in your village? Is your village strong and stable? Fostering children who have experienced traumatic events and trauma in itself, are not always easy to parent, to love, or to nurture. But when you feel challenged or defeated, who in your village can step in and take over? Who can continue the love and support towards this child, while you regain your strength? Building a support system of family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, co-parents, co-foster parents, and professionals, can give you the support you may need at times to help these children heal and grow and have the opportunity to just be children. Other avenues of supports are support groups, blogs, podcasts, articles, and trainings. Identifying and building your village is a great start to your fostering journey.

2. Am I prepared for the changes to my lifestyle and dynamics of my family? Becoming a foster parent means you are opening up not only your hearts but also your home. You will have a new child or children on any random day and that means you now have more people to wake up, more mouths to feed, more places to go, and more bedtime kisses to give! When a child(ren) are first placed into your home, the first 30 days can feel a little topsy turvy with all the adjusting and running around to medical appointments and visitations, and shopping, and meeting with the school and the social worker, and whew, I’m tired just writing this! Sounds overwhelming? It can be. But I guarantee you, it is short lived. Children need time to adjust, like adults, to new spaces, new timeframes, new people. Sometimes that adjustment is a little harder for some and so it takes a little longer. But once those initial medical and dental appointments are completed and that therapy session is scheduled, and those visitations are taking place, you might miss the hustle and bustle, because it will slow down and you will forget what it felt like before you had them in your home. This is where your village comes in…ask for help with transporting, childcare, meal prepping or cooking, cleaning, bedtime stories, wherever you feel YOU may need a little support. And think about all of the connections you are creating for those children. Allowing them to witness, that the world is not the dark place they think it may be, that people really do care.

3. Do I have the ability to not ‘personalize’ everything the child might say or do? Children in foster care have often been neglected and physically, sexually, or emotionally abused. They have been exposed, involved, and/or have experienced traumatic situations that can leave them feeling confused, angry, frustrated, scared, sad, and resentful and because they have not been taught or encouraged to expressed their emotions in a healthy manner, they often manifest and are expressed through negative behaviors, comments, and actions, towards their foster parents or foster family. These expressions are often demonstrated by defiance, hateful or hurtful words, tantrums, withdrawing or being silent, and a lack of appreciation. As a foster parent who has taken this child in and has made many efforts to help them feel welcomed and a part of the family, it is easy to ‘personalize’ these behaviors as a personal attack. But having the ability to recognize what is triggering these behaviors and remaining supportive to the child during this very difficult moment of negative expression, will build a trusting relationship. The child will recognize that even when they are struggling and being hurtful, you stuck with them, you supported them, you didn’t leave them to be alone in their trauma. It may take multiple times of this occurring, but eventually, they will see the village and will recognize that they are a part of it.

4. Am I a team player? Becoming a foster parent, means that you are joining a team of professionals who are advocates for these children. These teams can include Social Workers, Support Specialists, Therapists, and/or Court Advocates. Can you work in a partnership with a team of professionals to help the child either get back home or to another permanent placement, such as adoption? Being a team player means advocating for your child(ren) and yourself and your family. It means having good communication skills and a commitment to follow the plan set forth by the social workers and the courts. This team is also your support team. They will be there to ensure you are receiving the help and support you need to be able to provide the necessary care this child requires and that you are meeting their needs, while still maintaining your own self-care.

5. Is my family on board? Fostering children is a group effort, so that means everyone in your family has to be on board. Your spouse/significant other and children, because the reality is that a little less time will be spent on them or with them as you navigate a growing family. Are your children willing to share their bedroom, toys, space, and you? Have a conversation with your family as to what fostering may look like and write down any questions or concerns they may have. If you are unable to answer those questions or concerns, save them for the agency representative or social worker to answer.

6. Can I say goodbye? Last but not least, the comment I hear all of the time as a worker, “I’m not sure I can let them go after having them in my care”. Warranted. However, fostering isn’t always permanency. The goal of fostering is to provide temporary care to a child, while their parents work on healing and fixing themselves and their situation, so that they can provide permanency to their child. You most often will become attached and letting go can be quite challenging emotionally and the sadness may weigh heavy on your family. If it’s a difficult parting, then that means there was an attachment, and as difficult as it can be, attachment is good for foster children. It means that you have provided them not only the opportunity but the ability to develop an attachment, and a healthy one, which will speak volumes in their life to come. That alone can be the contributing factor to a healthy and happy life. And goodbye doesn’t always have to be forever, building healthy relationships can also be with the biological parents, which means that you will have the opportunity to remain in that child’s life and continue as a mentor to them and their parents. Remember, mentors become friends, and friends become family.

Finally, can you give a child not only what they need but maybe what they have never had? Will you go to their back to school night or open house? Will you carve pumpkins with them? Decorate a Christmas tree? Take them to church for the first time? Chaperone a field trip? Take them to ice cream, just because? Teach them about their culture? Bake them cookies? These are things you may already be doing for your own children or family members, so it shouldn’t be hard to add a few more little ones in the mix.

Fostering, no one ever said it will be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.

Parenting Tips-January 2023

Thu, 12 Jan 2023 23:09:10 GMT

Happy New Year Parents!

Below are our New Foster Parent tips for January:

Each child who comes into a foster parent’s home will have a different history and story. Wondering how to be a good foster parent to these kids in need? Whether you are a first-time foster parent or have been welcoming foster youth into your home for a long time, below are a few pieces of foster care advice that apply to all situations:

“Make them feel welcome. Involve them in family activities, strike up conversations, smile, and always offer a hug or a listening ear! All kids want to feel welcomed regardless of how “tough” they act.”

“Learn how to have an “open” home. In addition to opening your home to a new child or children, you will also have many new people in and out of your home, including agency staff therapist, CASA, and county workers. Having an “open” home means being accepting of new ideas and change, which come with the fostering experience.”

“Create a ritual. Whether it is a weekly trip to the park, grabbing a slice of pizza down the block, or playing a game, have something that is a consistent routine for the child in your home. This can help them adjust and give them something to look forward too!”

“Open up about yourself . The kids in your home are in a new place and they are living with a new person! Tell them about yourself, like where you grew up, what you like to do for fun, why you decided to become a foster parent — anything! By sharing your story with the kids in your home, they will soon be ready to share their story with you! It’s important to be genuine with the children.”

“Have lots of patience. Because these children are away from their biological parents and have likely experienced some trauma, children may take a while before they open up — and that is OK. Show compassion and always let them know you are available to talk when they want to or are ready. Also, learn to let go of the things you cannot control related to things like court proceedings and possible other bureaucratic barriers. Understand that these children love their biological family, regardless of the trauma they were exposed too, so show as much support as you possible can of their biological family.”

“ Have a support system ready. Going through the foster care process is not an easy endeavor. Find a support system you can rely on when questions or concerns arise or when you need a small break. Your friends and family should be your first points of contact! Have a few people in mind that you would like as your respite providers and have them get cleared. You should also look into nearby local foster parent support agencies that can provide training and therapeutic support. The key is knowing how to address ongoing challenges and having a team around you for support!”

Why Should I Become a Foster Parent?

Tue, 27 Dec 2022 19:53:23 GMT

If you are reading this article, then you possibly pondered the thought about becoming a foster parent, or wondered if there is a need for one. Maybe, why should I become foster parent, am I a good fit for fostering, or what direction do I go, if I were to? All great questions and this article along with a few others will help answer some of those thoughts.

So is there a need?

In the United States today, there are over 400,000 children in the foster care system, 60,000 of those children are in California alone. This means that nearly 100 times per day, a child in this state is removed and placed into foster care. The average time a foster child remains in care is 9-12 months. Only 34% of foster youth are placed into relative placement or kinship care (blood relation). So 66% of children are placed into care with strangers. But in my long career of working with foster families, strangers become supports, supports become mentors, mentors become friends, friends become family, and family becomes forever, permanent or not.

Here are some more answers to your WHY:

1 . Children in foster care have experienced abuse, neglect, and other adverse childhood experiences that can negatively impact their health. Data shows that half of all children in foster care have endured four or more traumatic experiences in their childhood.

2. Foster children suffer PTSD at more than twice the rate of US war veterans.

3. The median age of children in foster care is 6 ½ years old. While the stereotype of foster children is often that they are troubled teens or very bad children, the truth of the matter is that most foster children are just that — children. Not always troubled, not always challenging. Their biological parents are taken from them at a very young age, which can have a huge impact on their cognitive and emotional development growing up if they are not cared for properly in their youth.

4. Many children in California’s foster care system experience frequent placement changes. For children who are in foster care for 24 months or longer, 15% experience 5 or more placement changes and 44% experience 3 or more placement changes.

5. Unique challenges can prevent students in foster care from attending school resulting in foster youth missing 10% or more days of school, thus significantly effecting their overall education. In California, the statewide average high school graduation rate by youth is 83%. For students in foster care , only 53% will graduate on time.

6 . Youth in California can remain in foster care up to the age of 21 under specific guidelines. 20,000 youth age out of foster care between the ages of 18 – 21 annually. Within two years of aging out, 1 in 5 emancipated foster youth experience homelessness. Many foster youth aren’t prepared to be independent and don’t have the skills or resources needed to access the opportunities that could launch them into employment, housing, or an education.

7. Youth exiting foster care shared that they often lacked strong and supportive relationships to help them through their transition into adulthood and often make decisions that can impact them negatively.

So to answer some questions as to the need of fostering and to the why would I foster… because these children were placed into foster care for no fault of their own. Because they deserve to be in homes and with families that are supportive, loving, helpful, and committed. Because as a society we have to start somewhere to change the cycle and outcome of these statistics. Because they have the same right to be loved as everyone else. The question you have to ask now is… Can you give them the love that they need?

[The above statistics were obtained from Children’s Law Center of California at www.clccal.org , Ticket to Dream Foundation at www.tickettodream.org , and iFoster at www.ifoster.org ].

How To Save Money for the Holidays

Mon, 19 Dec 2022 22:35:30 GMT

A Christmas Club is a New Year’s Resolution You Can Actually Keep!

Finances can be challenging any time of the year and much more so during the holiday season. Many individuals and families end up depending on credit cards to make holiday purchases. It can also be tempting to overspend when using a credit card rather than a set amount of cash. While credit cards can be helpful in the moment, the interest rates and payments you’ll be paying the following year or more are less than ideal. From holiday food (special family meals, holiday potlucks, etc…), travel (especially at the current gas prices!), gifts, party supplies, etc…a Christmas Club account can help, without putting you into further debt.

What is a Christmas Club account?

It is NOT a credit card or loan. It’s a short-term account set up by your bank or credit union to encourage their customers to set aside money for the holidays. Many can be opened with as little as $10. Having this savings in a separate account may make it easier to avoid spending those funds. You have small amounts automatically transferred to this account on a weekly or monthly basis. You can even set up direct deposit so a portion of your paycheck is automatically deposited into this account.

The idea is to impact your day-to-day spending as little as possible while still allowing you to build up a small savings by the end of the year.

Rules and restrictions for Christmas Club accounts vary from one bank or credit union to another. One thing most have in common however is that you will incur penalties should you withdraw funds before the set date, which is usually in October or November. This deterrent is in place only to reduce the temptation of accessing these funds before the holidays.

If this sounds like it might be beneficial to you, contact your bank or credit union for details. This account can be opened anytime of the year, but January is an ideal time to get started on a healthy financial path leading into the new year!

How to Bring Joy to Foster Children during the Holiday Season

Thu, 08 Dec 2022 19:23:14 GMT

It’s that time of year…

Winter and wonder, magical snowmen and Santa, gifts and gatherings, and wishes coming true…

Although this can be a fun and delightful time of year, it can also be triggering, as the holidays dramatically increase the loneliness and sadness we feel when experiencing loss. One in every seven Americans, adults and children, experience the “holiday blues” and dealing with the struggle of depression, isolation, and unique expectations can be daunting.

It’s a traumatizing experience to be taken away from all that is familiar. The holidays can be an especially difficult time for foster youth. They may be missing family traditions and gatherings or they may have sad memories tied to this time of year. Foster parents require a certain level of patience, understanding and empathy. Here are several steps you can take to make the holidays merrier for foster children this season.

Make Preparations

The holidays can bring anxiety to foster youth who may be meeting many new people at holiday festivities. Making preparations can help to ease these worries. Share the names and stories of anyone they may be meeting for the first time. If possible, arrange to meet everyone before the holidays arrive so that there are fewer new faces during holiday gatherings.

Make Their Needs a Priority

It can be easy to get swept up in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, but make a big effort to put the needs of the children in your care this season first . Make time to ask questions, listen and just spend time together. Get to know them better and help them to feel cared for and loved.

As a foster parent, you need to know your kids and be aware of warning signs. Changes in eating or sleeping habits, irritability or sadness, or overindulgence in “screen time” are clues. Sometimes, actions, or the lack there of, say more than words. Be aware, discuss and manage these issues by helping your children set realistic expectations and prepare them for what to expect. Explain what family members they may meet, what traditions your family has, and discuss what they like to do for the holidays. Treat them with extra love and understanding and validate their loss and the impact it has upon them. Honor that by looking at photos of their own family, helping them write letters or make small gifts for their family and friends, or (if there are no court orders prohibiting) actually invite the biological parents to join in the celebrations, as it might be appropriate.

The life of a foster child can be chaotic on a good day, but even more so on a “special day.” Thus, please help your foster children through this time with some of the following tips and create memories:

Introduce holidays and traditions without any pressure—be willing to learn about one another’s culture and share the experience.
Keep a schedule that adheres to their normal routine or do a “party prep” that will help them understand the change in their usual schedule.
Utilize Christmas wish lists, community sponsors, and other resources to make sure the children receive the gifts they really want.
Create a holiday craft together and display it proudly in your home
Bake and decorate holiday cookies together for their special loved ones.
Read a holiday story together (or have them write one!)

And, last of all, please remember what made this holiday season so special for you when you were a child, and share that history and joy with your foster youth.

Happy Holidays, and thank you for all you do to bring joy to our children.

New Foster Parents-Parenting Tips- December 2022

Wed, 07 Dec 2022 19:34:38 GMT

If you are a new foster parent, you may be feeling both excited and nervous. If you have not had a placement yet, you may be wondering what to expect. Or if you are currently experiencing your first placement, you are being introduced to some new routines and new experiences.

Each month, we will share tips from experienced foster parents all over the world with the hopes of helping new parents fostering experience be as successful as possible!

Below are the tips for December:

· “As you begin your fostering journey, you will realize that kids often come with very little. They often do not have many toys or changes of clothing with them. I found it helpful to stock up on clothing and toys for the age groups I was fostering. For me, that meant having bins of both boy’s and girl’s clothing, from newborn to juniors sizes. I acquired these bins gradually as I had placements. As I began fostering and realizing how much I may need, I began buying things at thrift stores, yard sales, and clearance items. I found the end of season clearance racks to be a good place to purchase items that may be needed in the future. I also began maintaining bins of age-appropriate toys for infants, toddlers, and older kids. However, remember, anything clothing you buy specifically for that child monthly, must go with the child when they leave your home.”

· “Another thing new foster parents need to know is that all communication with social workers is documented. Any communication that is in writing becomes a permanent part of the case record. It is important to be sure that what you write is acceptable to be read in court. Refrain from criticizing or complaining. Instead, offer facts and ask for direction from the social workers involved in the case. The way you communicate matters, especially when in written form. It can be difficult to remember this at times, especially when you are frustrated with something.”

· “Another good thing to think about as a new foster parent is educating yourself on things you run into with placements. While you have had some education in order to be approved, it is helpful to continue learning about different things. For instance, reading research on childhood trauma and the effect it has on brain development is helpful when parenting children who have experienced a lot of trauma. These kids often do not respond to “regular” parenting techniques.”

· The “honeymoon” period with a new placement is real. You may have heard people talking about this and thought it silly. You will experience the honeymoon stage with new placements. This is the time when both you and the child are not quite yourselves. You are adjusting to each other and may be testing boundaries a bit to see how each other reacts. As a foster parent, you may be extra lenient during this time of adjustment, and learning about the new child living in your home. Instead of giving a consequence when the child takes food into the bedroom (after you have told them that your household rule is no food in the bedrooms), you may simply smile and give them a gentle reminder. The honeymoon phase may mean that the new placement is following every direction they are given and trying their best not to make any waves. Or, it may mean that they are pushing buttons to see what happens. Typically, though, this phase refers to everyone being on their best behavior. After a length of time, it could be days, weeks, or months, when everyone becomes comfortable, their true personality will come out, so give the adjustment a little time!”

· “It is also important to know that secondary trauma can occur from being foster parents. The trauma that these children have experienced may cause you to experience trauma from them as well. There is also trauma in having a placement who you love return to their family. Fostering is a journey that is full of trauma. But it is also an experience that will change you as a person and help you grow. Knowing that trauma is part of the journey, be proactive. Do not be afraid to see a counselor or therapist. Because foster parents are bound by confidentiality, it is often hard to find a way to talk to someone about what you are experiencing, or what the child has experienced, and how it is affecting your household. Friends may not understand why you continue to provide a home for a child who may be destructive or disrespectful. They do not know the child’s abusive past, and you are unable to share it with them. Fostering can be very difficult when you need to talk but do not have anyone you can talk to outside of the home. Having a counselor, therapist, or support group is something that can be extremely helpful during the foster care journey. Self-care is extremely important when you are trying to care for others.”

· “When you become a foster parent, you are opening your home to scrutiny. It is important to document the time you have with children. Keep records of behavioral incidents, doctor visits, parent visitations, etc. By documenting these things, you may help find out what triggers behavior changes. Documentation can also help protect you from false allegations, should they occur. You can never document too much, but you can document too little. When doing your documenting, try to keep your personal opinion out of it, as these may become part of the record as well. Feel free to keep a journal of your feelings that is separate from anything you might share with the caseworker if you need that outlet.”

Stress and Children

Thu, 10 Nov 2022 23:18:04 GMT

Signs of stress in children

Just as adults feel the stresses of jobs, finances, and sometimes just everyday life, children of all ages can experience stress as well. Their stress can be caused by a variety of factors such as school, peers, or from experiencing or viewing something traumatic such as domestic violence.

Signs of stress in children

Children aren't miniature adults, and they may express stress in different ways than you might expect.

Here are a few signs that your children may be stressed or could use some extra support:

Emotional outbursts or increased irritability
Stress leads to stronger feelings of anger and irritability. Your children may have emotional outbursts that are inconsistent with their previous behavior or the current situation.
Trouble sleeping
Worries and fears seem to come out during bedtime. Children who are stressed may have trouble falling or staying asleep, or start having nightmares.
Withdrawing from others
Children who are stressed may want to spend more time alone and not interact with friends or family.
Struggles with school
Significant changes in your children's school performance can be a sign of stress. Stress makes it harder for children to focus during the school day or when doing homework. Emotional outbursts and anger at school can cause trouble with friends and classmates.
Frequent headaches or stomachaches
When children are stressed or anxious, their bodies release the hormone cortisol into the blood. This can trigger abdominal cramps and headaches.
Increased defiance
Children under stress may feel angry or overwhelmed. They are seeking ways to get out of the situation that is causing them to feel uncomfortable. This can lead to defiant and stubborn behaviors.

There are several ways you can help your child when they are feeling stressed.

1. Talk- Open up a conversation with your child and keep it positive.

2. Create routines- Eating dinner together every night, reading a bedtime story, taking them to and from the bus stop or just making some one on one time each day gives children security and lets them know they can count on you.

3. Coping Skills- Teach children some ways to help get through a stressful moment. This can include some easy breathing exercises, taking a walk or some quiet time with a few minutes of meditation.

4. Find an activity- Help them focus on a positive activity- something they like to do. Painting, drawing, reading a favorite book, listening to music or get together with family or friends for a game or puzzle are all great options.

5. Validate their stress- Listen to your children and let them know that they are accepted and that it’s ok to have those feelings.

6. Reach out- Consult your child’s doctor or therapist.

Letting your children know they are loved and providing a safe environment for them to grow is essential to children developing the skills they need to cope with stress. Spending time together and encouraging children to engage in positive activities are also key components for children to be confident and able to work through stressful situations.

New Foster Parents - Parenting Tips

Thu, 10 Nov 2022 23:14:14 GMT

Parenting Tips

Each month, we will share tips from experienced foster parents all over the world with the hopes of helping new parents’ fostering experience be as successful as possible!

This month tips are:

“One thing I would tell foster parents is that you will get attached, and you will love these kids. Some placements may be nearer and dearer than others. I definitely think that the length of the placement can play a part in how strong the bond is, although it is not always a factor. I have had some kids that were with me a short time, but I loved them dearly; other kids may have been with me longer and we hadn’t quite bonded fully.”

“Because you will love many children who enter your home, it means you will feel loss when they return to their family. You will mourn. It will be a trauma for you to lose the child(ren) you have grown to love and cared for when they needed you most. You will wonder how they are for years to come. They will always be a part of you, and thoughts of them may sneak up out of nowhere to pull at your heartstrings. Even though loving the children may cause you trauma when they leave, do not put up walls with them. They need your love desperately. If you are too scared to love the children and experience the emotional journey, you may want to reconsider your path.”

“Another tip for new foster parents is to ask questions. When you get a call about a placement, do not be afraid to ask a lot of questions about the potential placement. You will want to know about any behavioral issues and any health issues. You will want to know a bit about the family history, and what the placement will entail (will there be numerous visits to work into the schedule, or are there no visits allowed because of a court order?). Consider where the child will need to be transported for visits, school, and appointments if applicable. Will you be able to get the child where they need to be with minimal disruption to you and your family? Will the child’s schedule fit in with your family schedule, and will the placement work out for you? Consider what the child has been through and if you are comfortable having the child with you and your other children if there are behavior issues because of their traumatic past.”

“Remember, if a placement doesn’t seem to be a good fit, you do not have to accept the placement. You are able to tell the social worker that you do not believe you are the right placement option and that you do not wish to take placement of the child. The worker will move on and contact other families until the right fit is found. It’s more traumatic to accept a placement only to turnaround and give a removal notice after a few days.”